Good Listeners: As we reach the gateway of Chinese Lunar Year, we shift from the guardianship of the Wood Snake to the Fire Horse.
I told myself today that I wanted to take some dedicated time to say ‘thank you’ in my own way to the Wood Snake, who not only ushered us through 2025, but also asked us to re-visit the entirety of the last 9 year cycle.
The glorious, the toxic, the hidden in plain sight. Unearth the unsaid, the unspeakable, and give it voice, give it silence, give it time, give it who you really are.
Spend some time with what happened to you in the last chapter, what happened on you, and give some dearly needed spaciousness to what was your responsibility, your choice, all along.
In my conversations with the Wood Snake, she says her name means: “a sturdy goodbye.”
That, she says, is the heart of what we have been asked to study, to apprentice in the last 12 months.
It doesn’t matter if we passed or failed, if we completely ignored the lesson, or devoted entirely to it and still lost.
None of that matters to her – what we did or didn’t do with her medicine, what we did or didn’t see come into fruition, what we did or didn’t accomplish, how much we did or didn’t even try.
The only thing that really matters to her…is that she is here.
That is all she needed us to know. That she will continue to be here, even after she passes the torch to someone else who is a little more flashy.
She is here. A sturdy goodbye.
What brought me home in the last year is the confirmation, the celebration, and hell, even the vindication, that what I’ve known all along is actually true:
If we as a human species, a collective of planetary caregivers, can figure out how to do that – a sturdy goodbye – we can do anything.
And I don’t mean “how do we figure out how to give and make sturdy goodbyes?” I mean, can we figure out how to just acknowledge that she is already here, she has already given us everything we need, and live like that every day? Because that’s the key to unfolding everything our dreams are made of, and more.
Over the next several months (and beyond) I’ll be sending out an email every Friday with a piece of research on my vision for a Village Artist Grant Ecosystem. (You can sign up for that list here.)
While there are many pieces of that workload to unfold and break-down, the underlying truth of this collective organizing strategy for financial, spiritual and artistic sovereignty, and for spiritual and political divestment, is just this: the sturdy goodbye is already here, and always will be.
Understand this principle, and you unlock the entire mission with ease, power, and great generosity.
That said, when I sat down with the Wood Snake today, she said, I want you to speak about the ‘Esho’ – and what that has to do with learning how to say goodbye and hello in your ancestral tongue.
This is a great moment for me to share publicly, that more and more you’ll hear me say this word at the end of prayers I make, to close out ceremonial gatherings I host, or even at the end of sentences I speak when gathered in circle.
Esho.
There are many different words that are used while speaking in ceremony, or as I like to say, “your ancestral tongue.”
Different ancestries, spiritual traditions and cultures have charged and blessed words, specific to each lineage, that we say at the end of a prayer, at the end of a gathering, or at the end of sharing something in circle to indicate, I have said everything I need to say, now I pass the torch to you.
We say these charged words when something unexpected comes tumbling out of the soul, heartfully expresses your unique ancestral voice, and speaks truth to the bone.
The word is offered as a consecration to the truth that was just spoken – and then sends that truth into the Universe for protection, continued evolution, manifestation, and immediate wholehearted celebration.
We say these words when we hear others say or be something that rings true, to indicate shared support, shared vision, camaraderie, and/or to say I see you and I bless this with you.
While I’ve shared multi-cultural spiritual space and ceremony with beloveds from different lineages for many years, I knew there was a word from my own lineages that I wanted to say as a blessing at the end of my sharings, but I just couldn’t remember what it was.
It was sitting on my heart, trying to come out, but I couldn’t get to it, for years.
The Wood Snake tells me today, that amongst the downright fabulous and phenomenal, sometimes treacherous things that we learned together over the last year, this is perhaps my favourite thing I did with Shaunga, my nathnee (my chosen grand-daughter).
I helped her return back home to her ESHO.
The word I couldn’t remember how to say is a word that I say in casual conversation all the time, a Bengali word that I grew up hearing my family say, maybe 50-100 times a day.
“ESHO” is used colloquially. In its simplest translation, it means, “come.”
It’s said when you want someone to come inside, when you want someone to come closer.
However, there is a great affection and generosity embedded in the word, and it is said in spirit of Mothering (regardless of gender).
Come, as in – I have something generous to give you.
Come closer, come inside, come where it’s warm. Come over here, where the world I have made inside of myself, and all around me, will take care of you.
Come. Allow me to care for you.
When I say this word, I go to the deepest translation living in its memory, that lives in the field of mutual consent.
Meaning, when I have something true and generous to give, I show you full-heartedly what it is.
I make it clear to you that there is an invitation here. But there is still an understanding that this is only a request.
It means – I invite you inside, showing you clearly that every part of me wants you to be here with me.
That means, my “Esho” holds me accountable to my own consent. Don’t offer something unless you want to give it away, with your full body. Don’t accept someone’s invitation, unless you want to receive it with your full body.
When I offer you all of me, with the joy of how good all of it can be and already is, I protect your full and complete freedom to say yes or no. My desire to know you, to have you here, does not leave out the part of you that maintains your freedom to say no.
If I invite you inside wholeheartedly, I cannot merely tolerate your freedom to say no, I must embrace it with the same amount of joy and generosity.
When I say “Esho” in this context, I necessarily hold you accountable to your self-responsibility and your sovereign choices.
When I simply show you who I am, with a full-hearted and sincere generosity, with a full-hearted and sincere invitation, you have everything you need to make a decision in relation to me. I trust that I have done everything I can, and the rest is up to you. And so goes on this dance.
“Esho” as a way to say “come” mirrors the way that many of us speak to our animal companions.
The joy we experience when we come home after a long hard day and say “COME! ESHO!” to our dog, and he comes running into our arms with boundless love.
When I go into my deepest memories of the Ancestors I carry with me, the queer, the Trans and Gender-Full Ancestors, the ‘Disabled’ the ‘crazy’ the Erotic Storytellers – we lived in villages that treated us with reverence. We were highly regarded as leaders, as medicine carriers, as wise council, as cherished young people who grew into devoted elders. We were protected and uplifted.
In my lineages, we regarded animals and the animal kingdom at large with even more generosity and respect.
We turned to animals too, for their wise council, for their leadership, as cherished and sovereign village members. We went out of our way to protect and uplift them, because of their generosity and commitment to protect and nurture humanity.
We practised giving more to them, all the time, knowing they continue to show up for us, even as humanity has consistently acted like royal assholes toward them and the natural world.
This is to say, when we say “come” – Esho – to another human being with the same spirit of love, affection and boundless joy that you say to an animal, that is to offer that human the desire to go above and beyond for the sake of the relationship, and the village as a whole.
It is to say, my fellow human, while you are here in my arms, I commit to giving you more.
The reason why it took me so long to remember this is the word I’ve been trying to say in ceremony, is because of the history and current day reality of genocide and ethnic cleansing against Bengali people, our Earth-honouring traditions, and the Bengali language itself.
“Bengali” as a language and a people, has endured a government sanctioned wipe-out in the 20th century, backed by extreme military violence, US imperialism, as well as genocide via famine, orchestrated by the British Empire. While these genocides reached their height, the world at large was pretty super cool with it, thought we deserved it, or were at best indifferent.
A lot of popular media will talk about these genocides as a religious war. Not so. It was a targeted attack specifically against Bengali people across caste, class and religion: our language, our unique magic and artistry, our stewardship, our solidarity, amongst each other and with other disenfranchised communities.
It was 100% orchestrated by white supremacy, enforced by white men while white women were the brains, the organization, and the true leaders behind the mission. Then it was sanctioned by many Asian and racialized communities around the world – especially Chinese communities.
So, when the Wood Snake born from the Chinese Lunar New Year and I speak about “Esho” we both recognize that every single narrative they used to justify our genocide is alive and well inside of queer & trans, spiritual and liberation-focused communities today.
We recognize our friendship is sturdied by a truth that lives beyond the vile stories they think about us, and think we don’t know they’re still telling about us.
The grief and trauma of these genocides have been used to weaponize upper class, upper caste, privileged Bengali people into more colonial, casteist, religious violence under the Hindu Nationalist agenda, instead of more solidarity with the world’s most oppressed communities.
So, when I speak about this genocide, and when I say “Esho” – I am also saying that I will not allow my language to be weaponized into more religious violence, more Islamophobia or more Casteism that is brutalizing the planet, my friends, and everything that I hold dear.
Esho, here, means Not In My Name.
It means, I acknowledge the weaponization of my trauma into more violence was an intentional and curated design of this genocide, and it’s not going to fucking work on me.
Extreme militarized sexual violence was a major tool of enforcing genocide against Bengali women, and gender-non conforming people, and that is why “come” (Esho) is most certainly said in reference and in reverence to sexual healing.
“Come” – as in a verb, a noun, and an experience of the most ecstatic form of sexual pleasure.
When I say this word I pay reverence to queer sexuality, the alchemy of ancestor healing and sexual healing, and a pleasure that commits its own healing in solidarity with Black feminism, Indigenous liberation, and justice for caste-oppressed communities.
In other words – if we are going to talk about the most ecstatic form of sexual pleasure, “come” must certainly call us closer home.
Closer to the body. When we attach our sexual healing with capitalist wellness culture, the model minority complex, religious dominance, and/or extraction of the Earth – this takes us further away from what “come” really means.
In colloquial Bengali, we say “Esho” not just when we are inviting someone closer, but also when we send someone out the door.
We say “Esho” instead of “goodbye.”
In this context, “Esho” means, safe travels. god/spirit be with you.
The power of ‘Esho’ here isn’t a request, it’s an assurance.
That even in the most trying circumstances, I offer your survival its certainty. No matter where you go from here, you will live.
We say “Esho” to consecrate the blessing, and send it to the Universe for further protection, evolution, manifestation and immediate celebration: You will be safe. You will be well taken care of. You are recognized by the most powerful protectors, and as such, you have nothing to fear as you keep moving. You have nothing to fear, nothing.
Esho knows that we are in control of nothing, and yet – we still offer you your full and complete assurance of safety, that only a Mother can give (regardless of gender).
We say this, when we ourselves are afraid and unsure. We say it to bring forth a spiritual protection that is bigger than us, that cannot be broken or interrupted by anything.
My friend Ravyn and I ended 2025 with hosting a Safe Passage Ceremony.
When we look at the dangerous complexity of our current global reality – the terrifying spiritual density, the expansion and mutation of white supremacy, “Esho” here acts as a Warrior and Protector of the highest order.
It understands the complex architecture of spiritual protection and spell-work needed for these times, and is able to accomplish impossibly difficult tasks with great proficiency, ease and confidence.
In this sense, “Esho” is a commitment to engage the ongoing workload of safe passage as spiritual, material and interpersonal design.
It’s not about just asking the Universe or Ancestors to keep us safe!
It is engaging the self-responsibility and collaboration of making safe passage together, with unprecedented generosity, that is already more powerful than the rise of this white supremacy and fascism.
When you put together the duality of “Esho” as a hello and a goodbye, an invitation and a parting, what we’re saying is, I commit to caring for you, for as long as you are here, or as long as I am here, no matter how short or long that time is.
That’s what “Esho” means when you gather someone close to you for a quick hug and then send them off to play.
And it’s what it means when you gather someone close to you at the end of a long life of devoted companionship.
“Esho” means “I commit to letting you go when it is time” whether it’s after a hug, or a lifetime.
Esho holds us accountable to listening to both the subtle body and the obvious body of life and death between us, in order to discern the exact, precise timing that I must let you go.
Esho means, I send you off safely, with the protection of a Mother.
Regardless of Gender.
Esho means, I thank you for our time together.
Esho means, there are no words I could say to truly express my gratitude for you, for us, for everything you’ve given me…
And…while I can never repay you for what you did for me…maybe I’ll still say one small thing…just to try.
The Wood Snake wanted me to talk about “Esho” today, because she says it’s her favourite thing that we did together last year. Even if, for the most part, I did not even realize that is what we were doing.
The Wood Snake and I were apprenticing the Esho between us, in all its complexity and simplicity.
It didn’t matter if we passed or failed the lesson. If we won or lost the mission.
If we didn’t accomplish much of anything, even after giving it more than everything we were capable of mustering and more.
All that matters is that it is here.
Re-membered.
If that is the case, then its translation must be, To Live.
If that is so, then Esho also means To Breathe.
If it means To Breathe, then it also means To Sing, because in order to breathe you must sing.
Then it also means To Grieve, because in order to sing, you must grieve. Then it also means To Move, because in order to grieve you must move. It also means To Be Still, because when moving you must rest.
If Esho means To Be Still, then it means To Be Myself, Always.
Esho: a commitment to life, to living, then also means: “I welcome you, whatever adventure is next.”
That’s what it really means.
It means, Welcome.
This is why it’s been the hardest thing for me to remember how to say.
Welcome.
To say “Welcome” to a new chapter, a brave new start, you can’t say it with any bitterness in your heart.
You can’t say it with the choice to move forward with a “yeah right” under your breath, and an “as if” under your feet.
To be clear, you can move forward like that. It just wouldn’t be a real Welcome.
My friend Ravyn says, “not all births are created equal.” Meaning, entering a new world with the desire to just say, “Welcome” is the hardest thing I’m still learning how to do.
Welcome – to all your realized dreams of social, political, spiritual, artistic and communal healing, and more!
After so much social and community trauma, and interpersonal relationships that consistently regarded me with the same racist, misogynistic, ableist, transphobic, whorephobic, healing-phobic, anti-mystic narratives that sanctioned the genocide against us in the first place…knowing that assholery is still alive and well and out there and looking for me…
Welcome, to the promise I stayed alive for.
Welcome, to everything on the other side of that bullshit.
Welcome, meaning: I acknowledge that I have spent enough time learning my spiritual and relationship lessons the hard way and –
I am here.
I am alive.
I want and I am willing to find out what is on the other side.
Welcome. Just a way to say, I am willing.
I am here, So Be Brave! Live! My beloved, my child, my elder, my ancestor, my descendant, my friend.
I send you off safely, no matter how short or long our time together has been.
Beloved Wood Snake…
Thank You.
To you, I offer you my word.
Everything it holds and more.
I offer you, my friend, she who lives and makes a Sturdy Goodbye.
She who is not gone, only transformed.
Esho.
1 thought on “A Conversation with a Wood Snake: How to say Hello and Goodbye in Your Ancestral Tongue”