This is the episode transcript to our podcast episode: “The Overwhelming Failure of Your Success (I want justice for the falling leaf on the wind)”
This episode comes with our very first POP-UP CONTEST!!!
PLAY TO WIN A FREE VIRGO SEASON READING!
In this episode I share a quote from a popular film. I don’t call attention to it, I just drop it in. Here’s the contest:
Write in and tell me:
A) what film the quote is from
B) the name of the character who says it
The first 3 people who write in with the correct answer will get a free short and sweet “clairvoyant tarot” reading for Virgo Season with yours truly.
Shaunga will pull 1-2 cards for you, and share a personal message for you specifically for Virgo Season, channelled in spirit of the best thing you need to hear for this upcoming season. Your message will be delivered either by email, voice note or private video.
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I’ll give you a few hints:
Hint One: The answer is VERY, VERY obvious for folks who know the film I’m speaking of. ie it’s a very popular quote from this film.
Hint Two: The film in question is from the same “Universe” of stories and characters that I have spoken about on this podcast, even though I HAVE NOT yet spoken about this specific film on the podcast at all.
So, one could technically google that “Universe” and google popular quotes and easily find the answer, even if you’ve never seen the film.
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To listen to this episode on our podcast, click the link below.
Or, read the episode transcript below:
Greetings Good Listeners,
Welcome to Otherworldly Giants, the Divination Channel. I am Shaunga, your host. Storyteller, Spellweaver and Multiverse Historian.
As I sat at my altar this morning, I felt a pain come up about something that I had done, that hadn’t gone accordingly to plan. I didn’t want to feel like a “failure” but that’s the truth of the emotion and narrative that came up.
Why didn’t this work out? I let myself say it out loud. I feel like a failure.
My Ancestors said: No, no. This wasn’t a failure. It was an OVERWHELMING SUCCESS.
Look at what you did, What An OVERWHELMING SUCCESS!
It didn’t work out the way you wanted. That was ultimately a blessing and a protection.
You had your sight set on the wrong thing. Something that would ultimately not be supportive to you. It was a blessing and an act of Ancestral protection that it didn’t work out.
Many of us hear this a lot right? That when things don’t work out, it’s a blessing, and a sign of success. That this is a failure that re-directed you toward something better. Or, it is re-directing you toward something better, if you’re in the middle of it.
Okay, a lot of us know this. And it’s true. And even in knowing it, we sometimes still feel like a failure.
So I want to complicate this conversation today with a letter I received from a Good Listener.
This is a very special episode on our podcast, this is the first time we’ve done this. We are reading a listener question!
This week, I opened my floor for listener questions, or as we say around here – “GOOD LISTENER” questions and comments.
I put this toward my VIP BACKSTAGE PASS Inner Circle Members and I said, please send me any questions, requests for topics you want me to speak on, or reflections on whatever is sitting on your heart. I will then choose something to share and speak to your question and message publicly.
I received an INCREDIBLE letter from someone who I don’t know that well yet…but it’s pretty clear that she is already very deeply nestled in my heart. I’m so excited to continue building the friendships, conversation and community emerging around the sacred project and campaign I am hosting.
For those just jumping in, I’m referring to my 3-month Collective Artist FUN(d)RAISER centered on the principle: heal yourself, heal your lineages, heal the world.
This is where we apprentice SELF STUDY, GLOBAL STUDY and MULTIVERSE STUDY for the purpose of birthing freedom for the Earth and her whole body, in our lifetime.
Much of the campaign I’m sharing right here on the podcast, and I do have a VIP Inner Circle Space. That is for folks who are really in this with me, and you want the perks that come along with it. Which include many things you can find out ON THIS PAGE HERE, and including opening the floor to listener questions.
You can READ MORE ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN HERE, or listen to the podcast episode INTRODUCING THE CAMPAIGN HERE.
This letter is from someone who is choosing to stay anonymous, at least for the time being. She does want to share that she is from a lineage currently surviving some of the worst genocide and military violence on the planet right now, and that is where she speaks from.
So here’s the letter, I’m going to read it in its entirety.
[sound of a wave]
Dear Shaunga,
Thank you for opening the floor and asking us to share our questions and reflections on what is sitting on our hearts.
Right now, I am sitting in a juncture of time and space and reality where things haven’t yet ended, and they haven’t yet began.
I’m sitting with all my failures and successes and trying to make sense of them. Holding everything with reflection, self-love, and compassion. Seeking and committing to look at myself with grace.
I feel like a falling leaf.
Just like a falling leaf, I’m untethered and terrified and everything is truly out of my control.
And yet, like a falling leaf, I know exactly where I’m going. I know there is a sacred landing strip below me that has my name written on it.
There’s nothing in the Universe that could make me miss, or thwart my path. All my prayers live here on this sacred piece of land that awaits me. As I fall, the land is sweetly tended to, cared for and prepared, just for me. I know where I’m landing because, as you said in your last podcast episode, “It’s Already Done.”
I know that grief knows exactly where to go, and it always lands in the right place, I know that.
How could something so assured and certain, be so terrifying and dangerous and uncertain?
I want reverence for the falling leaf. I want justice for a falling leaf.
The leaf knows that its landing is secure because it is wholly and completely protected by the Wind.
To fall from the tree in the first place, to let go, might be the greatest act of faith the leaf will ever embark on.
When you let go and take your leap of faith…or leaf of faith…lol…you have to put your full trust in the hands of the Wind.
It’s like that here, while I’m falling. Terrifying and also so held as if I were inside the Womb of the most dedicated Mother of any gender.
The Wind, some may call him an Air Bender, is like a conductor, a director, a pitcher sending the ball straight to one specific piece of land, and those nature-spirits are like the back-catcher, one of those master Star Players who squats behind the batter and is gonna catch the ball no matter what.
That’s where I’m at right now. I am lost and I am already found.
What do I do with this in between place?
Because when you’re a leaf falling through the air, it feels like it’ll last forever.
It’s a whole life that begins and ends in and of itself.
Who is protecting that entire life?
Who is protecting the baby that grew into an elder and then must transition all over again as he hits the ground?
Who protects that life and death? That entire evolution?
Who is the Mother? Can the Wind be Every kind of Mother all the time?
Can any type of life in this state survive without a Village Itself as Mother?
Shaunga, this is why your message is so important. Why it means everything to me.
Can we, as a collective, a village of humans, shift from pretending that we don’t have to do more to care for and resource this part of the creative process, and every part of life that is far too under-recognized, under-resourced, and under-protected?
Can we shift please, to protect the parts of life that we cherish the most, the parts that we are most willing to leave to chance?
It’s so true, what you mentioned in one of your previous episodes, “PSA: What Do We Do About Humanity” and I’ll quote:
What about resourcing parts of the process we intuitively feel we have to rush through and thus not properly serve?
-the inner healing work of lineage dismantling and ancestral retrieval
-creative incubation and exploration periods, where you don’t know what you’re doing, just that you have to play
-holding stillness and patience for major transformation instead of rushing toward clarity and results that you can sell
-the end of life phase with loved ones or even ending and transitioning major chapters of your life: where you’re just supposed to spend time, enjoy, celebrate, grieve, provide and receive care.
-times of healing your erotic body, where your job isn’t anything other than experiencing pleasure and sharing that with others
-times of adventure where you must release all the ways you’ve taken too much responsibility in the collective and now your job is to embrace spontaneity, fun, and let spirit move you wherever it’ll take you
Aren’t these the parts of life that we cherish the most? Aren’t these the parts that EVERYTHING is for?
Why are we so willing to leave these to chance? To the off chance that capitalism will give us a break for long enough, that it will give us permission to gather these parts of life in our hands and protect them with all we got? Capitalism will never give us permission, when are we going to make that shift ourselves?
What is it about us, as a collective of people, who are most willing to say: that’s just how it is. We just have to learn how to cope, or find work arounds, rather than truly TAKE IT BACK.
Shaunga, I echo this part that you’ve said: it’s time to stop running around trying to make ends meet so we can tend to the most important things, and instead put money and resources and recognition on the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS themselves.
I want to make it clear, that when I talk about resourcing things, and what I feel in your message, it’s not just about the money.
Yes, it’s about money. But money isn’t the real problem.
The more pressing question is about what we do and don’t value.
It’s what we do and don’t care for and tend to and give attention to.
If we gave enough time, value, attention and care to anything, we would find a way to collectively resource whatever it is in tangible and material acts of support and care.
We would find the invention and the creativity and the savvy. We are such resourceful creatures and we prove that to ourselves every day.
So when I ask us, why are we settling for just coping and not truly gathering ourselves emotionally, spiritually and creatively to TAKE IT BACK…that’s what I mean.
What is it about us, as a collective that is willing or unwilling? What is it about me, personally that is willing or unwilling?
Maybe this is part of what I mean when I say I am sitting with my successes and my failures and trying to make sense of all of it and hold all of it with compassion and grace and love, for myself, and for the planet, and for the Universe, that no genocide or bombing or military assault can take away from me, ever.
I want to know this from our collective, from our people, I’ve wanted to know this for a long time. Why would we rather cope than invest in a process of taking it back?
Are we going to make these shifts now, or are we going to say, oh no, we’ll deal with all that stuff after the Revolution is done. Whatever that means!
How about, we not wait until we win before we decide to live the way we want to live. How about we do it now, so the Revolution can truly have what it needs to birth itself.
Those are the thoughts that are on my heart, but since you opened the floor for audience questions, Shaunga, I want to ask you: how have you been experiencing this beautiful campaign that you have been hosting?
Has it been giving you what you need? Because I see you giving us so much of your overwhelming success, just handing it over, and I know how dangerous that is.
You share your overwhelming grief with us. Your overwhelming sorrow. Your overwhelming love. You share the truth of the pain and hardship you carry, and I can see there is so much of it that you don’t say out loud, and yet it’s written all over everything you say and how you say it.
I want to know how we, as humanity, can support you more. Because I can see your work and your medicine is such an overwhelming success that it might just become a failure, and I don’t want that for you, for me, for us.
This has happened to me time and again. That’s what I mean when I say, in this space of falling from tree to ground, I’m trying to make sense of my successes and failures.
I’m remembering an earlier episode you shared, called The Wolf Who Stopped Time, when you spoke about how so many of us go through incredibly painful underworld healing journeys, only to come out the other side full of Ancestral Wealth, and yet nobody can pay us for nothin, cuz they already blew their money on floor tickets to the Beyonce concert.
Or this part from another episode: “the more I heal, the more alone I become.”
Or this part from another episode: “the more I heal, the more I learn I am not to be held, only to hold.”
When your healing journey is so overwhelmingly successful, it becomes TOO OVERWHELMING for your previous life to hold, and everything in it that you still might hold dear.
This is my problem with many spiritual spaces or philosophies. They may understand the healing journey but they don’t give reverence or justice to the falling leaf.
They understand the healing journey: that of course your overwhelming success in your healing journey means that you have become unrelatable and unrecognizable to the very things you set out to grow out of, to discontinue, to remove from your life.
Of course, your old paradigm thinks you are the threat and dangerous, and why you might even start experiencing abuse in worn out relationships if you try to stay in them when you’re supposed to move on.
They say: embrace the fact that you’ve grown out of all these things that no longer serve. You’re not inherently un-recognizable, you are loved and held by a whole different set of relationships that are waiting for you, a world that is supposed to love you better than this.
My problem with this is, what if I already know that? But what if I still have a whole life to birth, live and die here, right here, falling from the tree to the ground?
What about reverence and justice for this leaf? Or is she too much of a small thing?
Because I thought she is what everything is for, all of it. This part.
What about everything this part of life has to give you, the end of life phase? What about everything you have to learn here?
Everything you get to retrieve and experience and take back.
What about all the gifts that she has to give you here, that you don’t get anywhere else?
What about everything forgotten HERE that needs to be held?
What about the love that exists here, right here. You don’t get loved anywhere else like this, not like this.
To me, this is the definition of regret, and maybe the deepest sense of despair I carry in my lineage. That I had to rush through this space because of a lie that told me my blessings were on the other side, and not right here.
Of course there are blessings on the ground. Of course there are the biggest prayers answered of all our lifetimes. Of course that is the ultimate homecoming.
What about right here? What about these blessings right here? Right here in between tree and ground in the womb of the Wind?
Shaunga, you said this in your amazing episode, The Wolf Who Stopped Time: “Don’t ask me why I’m still here. I don’t care if this part of the altar is under-funded and under-resourced, I STILL HAVE TO SIT HERE.”
So much of spiritual philosophy will tell you that right? Oh you’re supposed to be somewhere else, that’s why you aren’t receiving your blessings. You have to let go of the parts that aren’t serving you, why are you still here?
Because it’s THIS PART, THIS PART RIGHT HERE, that is not to be missed. THIS PART needs to be served.
And the truth is, this part between tree and ground, is a place where you ARE UNRECOGNIZABLE to absolutely EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE except for the WIND because it is the WIND that knows you.
It’s the WIND that holds you in her Womb.
Remember, Shaunga when you said this part: “the Wisdom Keeper doesn’t let go, he can’t, it’s the wind that knocks the medicine out of his hand. It’s an act of mercy, it’s gratitude.”
It’s not the leaf that lets go of the tree, it’s the Wind that Gathers the leaf because the Wind knows that it’s Time.
And the time that they share, it’s between the Leaf and the Wind, that’s it.
This is the part of life we rush through and we don’t honour because we know it won’t be resourced, and yet it’s our responsibility as a human collective to use our genius and invention to figure out HOW TO RESOURCE IT.
When the majority of our human collective is dishonouring this part of the process, who pays the price? Our Death Keepers do. Those of us who don’t have a choice but to Sit Here. Those of us who live in this Liminal Space of Transition ALL THE TIME. It’s literally our communal role, and the version of ourselves that we gave up everything to remember how to be.
The fact that we are sitting here is EVIDENCE of our OVERWHELMING SUCCESS. We have REMEMBERED WHO WE REALLY ARE.
For everyone else – who do you have to exploit to continue ignoring this phase of life? I’m sick of communities and paradigms and belief systems that say this part doesn’t matter. Or that if it does matter, it doesn’t matter to collective responsibility. It’s just something you gotta go off to the side and figure out and then come back and do the “real work.”
Fuck you and your “real work.” How dare we not honour this life, this small thing, what it is right now. Fuck you when you look at me in the face, the tears of my grieving grandmothers streaming down my face and you tell me that THIS PART isn’t real.
Shaunga, your message is a great blessing and I can also see the curse of it.
Which is why I want to ask you the question. Are you okay? You’re a falling leaf just as I am, I can see that very clearly – the isolation of your overwhelming success. Are you okay?
How do you feel about your overwhelming failures and successes?
Thank you for offering the chance for me to share my voice on your podcast, I will remain anonymous for now, but in due time I will share more of my name.
[sounds of water]
Wow.
Thank you so much, Dear Good Listener. Thank you for sharing your letter with me, and with us. And thank you for giving me the honour to share it with my voice and share my emotion on it. And, the places where, inside of me, where it touches.
Thank you for allowing me to share my heart through your words, and through my voice, and through your voice.
Thank you. What a blessing for me and for all of us listening today.
I want to highlight some things from your letter, and the medicine you’ve shared with us that we can now apprentice. This quote right here:
“When you’re a leaf falling through the air…it’s a whole life that begins and ends in and of itself. Who is protecting that whole entire life? Who is protecting the baby that grew into an elder, and then must transition all over again as he hits the ground? Can the Wind be Every kind of Mother, all the time? Can any type of life in this state survive without a Village Itself as its Mother?“
I want us to sit with these study questions. What this writer is reminding us is that we need justice and reverence on the END OF LIFE phase of the creative process.
A leaf falling to the ground, is such a small thing, and you can say it’s a short period of time. But when you’re in it, it feels like forever. And it is truly, a whole life that begins and lives and transitions and dies all over again. It’s like a Life Cycle within a Death Cycle.
That is so deep, and important for us to recognize.
This writer is reminding us that this part of our life needs the type of care that any child needs, that any life in its entirety needs.
But then if you look at so much of spiritual and activist philosophy. They say, move on from what’s not serving you. That’s where you’ll get your blessings. That’s why things aren’t working out in your life. That’s why you can’t earn money in your business. That’s why this or that. That’s what you don’t have the connections you need. That’s why you don’t have some of your basic needs met.
Move away from what doesn’t serve and go get what serves you. But what about that liminal place where you are unrecognizable? And that is a whole life and death in and of itself – what about that?
Or activist philosophy that says, we’ll deal with the deeper parts of healing ourselves after we win the Revolution. Let’s just get to where we’re going first.
But what about that ENTIRE LIFE, again, that exists in that liminal space? Who do you leave unprotected? And whose motherhood are you burdening by leaving it unprotected by a Village? Are we gonna say, oh it’s just Wind’s job to take care of it, and the Village never has to protect the Wind as the Mother? What happens to that Mother and then what happens to that Child?
What happens to those of us who have no choice but to sit in reverence and justice with this part of life?
Dear Listener, you are right, I am a Leaf on the Wind. And honestly, I live in this space of ongoing transition, more often than I don’t.
If this is my constant, what happens to me, constantly, when there isn’t a culture or belief system that holds itself to protecting this part of the life and death cycle, and thus those who are called to be constant stewards of it?
I want to highlight another quote from your letter:
To me, this is the definition of regret, and maybe the deepest sense of despair I carry in my lineage. That I had to rush through this space, ie the end of life phase, because of a lie that told me my blessings were on the other side, and not right here.
Of course there are blessings on the ground. Of course there are the biggest prayers answered of all our lifetimes. Of course that is the ultimate homecoming.
What about right here? What about the blessings right here? Right here in between tree and ground in the womb of the Wind?
This speaks to me on a personal level. I know from my experience with death and elder care that when someone you love lies, that end of life phase is what everything is for. And both of you are dying, and both of you have to figure out how to keep living, after the transition, after a huge chapter closes. It’s just that one of you is still in your body, and one of you isn’t.
This also speaks to me on a global level, in the context of the three words we are apprenticing: “IN OUR LIFETIME.”
To understand who we are as a species, at this era of time we are stewarding on the planet. By era, let’s say – the few generations behind us and the few generations in front of us. We are at a time that is inherently heartbreaking. We are, entirely, all of us, that leaf falling from the tree.
The freedom we want on the planet is already done. It’s already in the Womb of the Wind. And thus, it is already done. The nature spirits are already preparing that ground for us. It has our name on it, and there’s nothing we can do to miss.
But where does that leave us? This era? These generations? What about right here? What about our incredibly sacred lives, from birth to transition to death to after life.
There’s a part of activist philosophy, and it’s more than a philosophy, there are soul contracts here in certain realms of activism, there are ancestors who are dedicated to a principle of: my body doesn’t matter. My life doesn’t matter. It’s the Revolution that matters, I don’t matter. So I can live recklessly. It doesn’t matter what happens to me, it’s my dedication to the movement that matters.
Maybe that was an appropriate, dominant energy for certain generations. Maybe some people now, still want to live that way, and that’s their sacred soul journey.
But many, many of us, are putting that to rest for good. Because we do know what time it is on Earth’s clock. We have to dedicate our lives to transforming ourselves, to become the species that we really want to be. We have to do it ourselves, and then we pass it on.
If nobody ever did that, it would never get done. It everyone feels like my personal life doesn’t matter in the revolution, then nobody’s gonna matter in the revolution, and it’s not gonna happen.
Those of us who know this, we know it. And we know that our lives are inherently valuable, here. THIS LEAF ON THIS WIND, TODAY.
Each of us, individually, are apprenticing this terrifyingly uncertain and heartbreakingly certain journey from tree to ground.
That’s what this campaign is about: let’s put protection on this life path today. Let’s shift ourselves, and find innovative solutions. Let’s just try small things, and plant small seeds, to make that shift, that can grow so abundantly from here.
I’ve set up my space, so that first and foremost, we can recognize one another in the truth of the roles we are playing on the planet right now.
And second, you have the opportunity to learn and study with me and share what you learn and get paid for that. Because I want to create tangible solutions and experiments for you and for me.
Thank you so much to this person who wrote in for asking how I’m doing, and what kind of support I need. Even just you asking me that question, and offering your concern and care and respect for my humanity. That means the world to me. Thank you for recognizing the overwhelming success of what I’m doing, and the danger in it. The risk of failure BECAUSE of the success.
So in answering your question: how can my community support me?
I need the help of my community to spread this work through the Wind. I want a Village to HELP THE WIND OUT, please. Please spread this message and get it into the hands, eyes and ears of more of my Good Listeners, more people who need to hear these messages that I’m sharing.
Honestly, going along with this baseball metaphor…every episode I’m sharing, I’m literally hitting this shit out of the park.
I need your help in getting this campaign into the hands of more folks who really want to study with me. I want to find my most ENTHUSIASTIC ENTHUSIASM GENERATORS.
[music fades in: “Soft Glare” by Mar Vei]
I’ll give you a clear example of how fun this can be.
Sit with any episode I’ve released, here on this podcast, or on youtube or on my website blog. Sit with the questions emerging here just like this wonderful good listener did. Join the conversation, offer your input.
What do you think about your overwhelming successes that may have turned into failures? What parts of your successes and failures are the same thing?
Spend some time sitting with what this medicine opens up in you. Go wherever it’ll take you. Let it lead you in unexpected directions.
Then find a way to share what comes up for you – which undoubtedly will be brilliant and probably medicine that many people around you need to hear right now. How can you share what you learn in a way that makes sense for you?
Some people have email lists, or you’re part of signal threads or facebook groups. Or you have a group you meet with in person regularly. Some of you have higher numbers on your social media platforms. Some of you can even just look through your phone or your friends and personal email contacts.
Share a little email or blog post with them. Invite some folks to dinner or organize a get together on a topic, like let’s get together and talk about these things that are really on your heart, and that have emerged through your studying with me. Be creative and innovative with regard to your own situation.
If you’re sharing things online, please tag me. I really want to see how people are working with this material and how it’s coming up for you.
Also credit me. Don’t just quote things and not offer proper attribution. Credit me. Reciprocate in that way. Send people back to my work in that way.
Try it out and see how it works fro you. If you know you’re getting invested and you really want to learn with me, make sure you get a VIP BACKSTAGE PASS.
So that when you share what you learn with your people, you can get paid a 21% commission for everyone else who also gets excited about this work and decides to join too.
The ideal person for this Enthusiasm Generator Program is someone who wants to engage in deeply thoughtful material, you want a space to develop and explore more of your own thoughts, voice, writing, storytelling, creativity.
You want a space that can hold you while you work through some deep ancestral movements, breakthroughs, clarities, visions, expanding spiritual gifts and powers.
People will really thrive as Enthusiasm Generators, if you’re someone who works best when you don’t have to create everything yourself, but you really thrive when someone offers you something you can sink your teeth into. When someone pitches you a ball that you can hit out of the park.
When someone offers you really amazing storytelling and poses activating questions, that lead you toward more self inquiry, more ancestral and spiritual discovery, more energetic alignment and protection of our successes.
People will really thrive in this role, when you know that so much of your energy gets fuelled just by talking to people. You’ve had experiences where your enthusiasm for something you love spreads amongst your circles, just because of how you talk about it.
I want to offer reciprocity for this particular skill. That yeah, you could spend an evening chatting on the phone to your friend about an amazing learning experience and you could come out of that conversation with more money in the bank.
I want to do something that I can to shift the culture in saying – I want you to invest in a learning journey, and I want you to know that is something you can be reciprocated for. Instead of what – drowning in college or university debt?
Plus, if you’re someone who knows that you have connections to bigger audiences or communities who are really aligned with my message, you could easily put a good chunk of money aside for something you really care about, with a 21% commission.
Say over the next two months, you get 33 people to sign up by your referral. Depending on what price point they choose, you could be looking at an extra 2K to 3K in your bank account, just for receiving an amazing learning opportunity and working with it.
What would you do with that money in the next three months? You could put it toward a writing retreat or a rest retreat. You could add funding to a creative project. You could treat yourself to the body care that you need. You could work with a healer or reader you’ve been dying to work with or invest more in your spiritual journey.
You could put that money toward whatever support you need for the phase of life you’re in. Put it toward your grief. Put it toward supporting yourself so that you can be present with all the gifts, lessons, experiences that you are meant to receive here, as a leaf falling from a tree. Get the blessings that are right here in front of you.
That’s what I’ll say for now. The support I need from my community is to help me find more people who want to invest in this work with me. If that’s you, come on in. If it’s not you, can you think of some people who would be a really, really great fit for this? Please send it to them directly.
Again, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, so much to this beautiful listener who wrote in today. I am sure we will connect more in the future. This is the type of conversation you get with a VIP BACKSTAGE PASS.
Until next time, I am Shaunga and I am Celebrating 40 Years of Service, Forward and Backward. Be Brave, Be a Giant, Be a Leaf on the Wind and Watch How We Soar.
[music fades out]