This is the episode transcript to our episode of Magical Reality TV for the Revolution: “Call Me (Call Me Anytime) The Rockstar: A Convo w/ my Future Partner in Real Time.” CLICK HERE to listen to the episode. To read the script, keep scrolling.
Greetings Good Listeners,
I’m your host, Storyteller & Spellweaver, Shaunga Tagore. And you are tuning into my Divination Channel. Welcome to Otherworldly Giants!
[sound of wave]
This is Magical Reality TV for the Revolution. It’s my Live Multiverse Memoir in ever evolving development. If you know me, you know that I’ve been on this Ancestral Healing journey for a minute. I’ve always been a healer, an artist, a teacher, a scholar, I’ve always been a student of life, but it was about a decade ago that I went through a major ancestral awakening. An expansion of my consciousness that really grounded me on this life path, and made it real.
Real, like – I started experiencing actual paranormal activity – ghosts were shaking my bed, I was like oh my god did I just move into a haunted apartment – no, that’s just your Ancestors trying to get your attention. It’s not your apartment’s fault. It was a whole thing. I’ll tell you about it later.
What was the catalyst that pushed me into the place where all these new doors would open?
Two things: I wrote a script. Then I went through a break-up.
Um, three things. I was dancing.
For a few years up until that point I had been creating with a fury – in communities of queer and trans Black and Indigenous people of colour, survivors, disabled people, crazy people, wild, gifted and gorgeous people, here in Tkaronto, Dish With One Spoon Territory.
I was creating queer and trans cabaret, drag and burlesque shows, creative writing spaces, and I was doing it with other queer and trans people who became my close friends and chosen family.
I have always been someone who would rather create the spaces I want and need, even if they don’t exist yet, rather than fight for inclusion in spaces that were designed to fuck me up in the first place.
So I had been creating spaces dance and performance spaces for us, to be who we want to be on stage, tell the complexity of our stories instead of fit into stereotypes that sell, we were diving deep into our self love, our self healing, retrieving ancestral memories, putting things on stage that are living proof that…
The body knows what to do before we know how to do it.
The body knows how to live as a thriving village that was never dismantled by colonization and genocide and witch hunting. The body knows how to move. How to tell the world – this is how we do it – these are our protocols, our practices, our traditions, this is how we lived in devotion to the land and the stars. This is our love story across the universe.
This is proof that we have never disappeared.
The Body tells the world: this is us. The body just does it, before you really know what you’re doing.
That’s what I was doing, here. In Dish With One Spoon. Co-creating those spaces. Making that space. Claiming space.
It wasn’t until after all of it happened, that I would be able to process with my mind, what it was that my body already knew how to do.
I know understand that we always engaged dancing, singing, performance, theatre, writing to unlock the Ancestral Healing journey, dating all the way back to the ancient thriving village.
Artistic traditions have always been how we opened the door to otherworlds, the otherworldly, the after life, and all who live there.
So what was the catalyst for me, to open my Ancestral Healing journey? Three Things:
I was dancing. Then I wrote a script. Then I went through a break up. A baaaad break up.
Okay wait, four things.
I was dancing. I wrote a script. I talked to a teacher. And then I got all broken up with.
Yeah see, it went like this:
I was dancing – like a fury, like a fire, like a wind. I was dancing up a storm.
Then I wrote a script, the first draft of my one person burlesque show, titled “The Erasable Woman.” The first thing the Erasable Woman was, was a book of poetry I wrote while I was trying to survive the academic industrial complex, and then I turned it into a one person burlesque show, as you do.
The first line of that script went something like this:
Did you know that out of all the stars in the sky, some of them are so old, they aren’t even there anymore? They’ve already lived and died and yet, we can still see their light. Now tell me – how do you not believe in ghosts?
Yeeeep – that was actually the first line of my play. So when the ghosts started shaking my bed, literally, the week after I finished writing the full script, I don’t know why my first response was:
OH MY GOD MY APARTMENT IS HAUNTED!!!
It was actually my partner at the time, who pointed it out to me. I remember that moment so clearly. We were saying a casual goodbye after a casual hang out, they were leaving my apartment. They walked out the door – I made some comment about oohh I can’t believe my apartment is haunted, do you think I have to move again?
Then, they turned around, and there we were, standing face to face. They’re on one side of the doorway, leaving. I’m on the other, staying.
They said:
Uum, Shaunga. Do you really think your apartment is haunted or…what was the first line of your script?
I stood there with my mouth open like – HUH…Oooohhhhh.
See, at this point in my life, right now here, as I am talking to you, I am a very well developed and seasoned Ceremonialist. I think like a Ceremonialist. That means I’m looking back at this memory and I’m seeing how it’s functioning on the Ancestral Plane, I understand what’s happening here on an altar.
Doorways on the physical plane are also portals, gateways, on the Ancestral and Quantum realm. That partner and I wouldn’t break up for another few months – but we could boil our break up down to this moment, standing face to face between a doorway. It was already done.
At the threshold, I said – do I have to move again? Then they pointed out my Ancestors to me, which became the reason I stayed, and the reason they left.
I had already been dancing, like a fury, a wind, a storm, a rain, a sun. And by the time I wrote down the words on a script, it was already done.
I had already decided that it was more important to me to repair my love story with my Ancestors, than stay in a relationship that wasn’t going to be a good partner for me while I did that.
Because they had already decided, they weren’t going to do that for themselves or their own Ancestors, not at the time, and not to the extent that I was. Thus, whatever they were going to do or not do for themselves, moving forward, I was not going to be a good partner for them either.
So it went like this:
I danced. I wrote a script. The ghosts shook my bed. Then I went on the internet and I wrote an unhinged post in a femmes of colour facebook group and I was like Aaahhh Ghosts Shaking My BedTM, someone help me!!
And someone did. They slid into my DMs, the person who would turn out to me one of my greatest teachers and friends on this life path.
She said, Greetings Shaunga. I too create theatre where my Ancestors get seriously involved. If you ever want to talk, let’s talk.
So we did, we talked, but I didn’t actually go into the Ancestral Healing journey at that point. It wasn’t until after the break-up that I did. Because the truth is…it’s grief that takes us there. I don’t know what to tell you, we’re usually most motivated to heal ourselves when we’re heartbroken.
After a long string of relationships that quote unquote “didn’t work out” whatever that means, this was the break up that truly brought me to my knees.
Fast forward to the following summer [fast forward sound effect]
[sounds of water]
I’m naked in lake ontario aka “niganni-gichigami” at hanlan’s point, the queer nude beach on tkaronto island, I’m thrashing in the water, punching and kicking the waves: You broke up with me on christmas you asshole and the water goddess is like give it to me, give it to me!
My two friends and our family dog are watching me from the shore
Umm…is she okay?
She’s going through a process. She’ll be fine.
[sounds of water end]
[rewind sound]
But no, re-wind, re-wind. We’re not watching that episode today. Okay, so it went like this:
Dancing. Wrote a Script. Talked to a Teacher. Break-up that brought me to my knees. Don’t get it twisted…
That break-up wasn’t the biggest loss of my life, not by a long shot. It just felt like it was at the time. It did what it was supposed to do. It brought me to my knees because that’s where I needed to be – next year when my Father died, and along with it, the entire foundation of my relationship DNA that I had built everything on up until that point.
That’s where I needed to be for that gateway – in prayer position.
To hold the biggest and the greatest loves of my lifetimes in my arms, several years later, as they took their last breath, first in 2022 and second in 2023.
Prayer position.
But, those are all different stories. Today I’m not here to talk to you about a break-up. I’m here to tell you what I did after the break-up.
I prayed for my future partner.
I told you about that a few episodes ago, the one called “we are ready for love, in our lifetime” – nine years ago I did this huge love ritual.
My ex had just broken up with me in December (yes on Christmas) and then in April, I sat down in my newly formed Ancestral healing practise, under the guidance of some AMAZING spiritual teachers, many of them queer and trans or Black and Indigenous or people of colour themselves, and I set up a ritual, to call in the kind of partner that I really want in life.
After a long string of relationships that quote unquote “didn’t work out” I was done with whatever it was that kept not working. I sat down with this ritual and I put it all down on an altar – at the time it was a cute red table that sat against the wall, near a window that looked out toward the north.
I spoke my heart into that ritual.
This is what I want to experience in a partnership, specifically.
[sounds of water and fire]
I want someone who can do life with me. I want someone who I can be whole with, in my full and complete ever evolving imperfection.
I want someone who heals themselves alongside me. I want someone whose commitment to themselves matches my own fervour.
[sounds of the wheel of wealth]
I want a partner who loves the fact that I always have and always will have a multiplicity of different kinds of beloved partners that aren’t them – human and non human, mundane and otherworldly…
[tabla drum]
because I love that they too always have and always will have partners, beloveds and love stories that have nothing to do with me. I want someone who lives and dies in and for a paradigm of healing and freedom on the planet and in myself that I came here to birth, to steward, and to see, in my lifetime.
I want a partner whose world doesn’t revolve around me, and is happy that mine doesn’t revolve around them [wheel of wealth] – because we each have our own son (sun).
I want a partnership that, at the end of the day, works out – and I do know now, exactly what that does and doesn’t mean.
[fire and drums fade out]
I need a partner who could live without me if they needed to. And maybe I need to spend the next nine years healing myself, so that I can truly meet that.
[sound of water fades]
No, I didn’t say that at the time. At the time, at the tender age of 31 I was like I AM READDYYYY, I DECLARE IT SOOOOO, GIVE ME MY PARTNER NOW!!!
And the Universe was like – okay, cool, sure but it has to rain first, you know? So that we can water the garden?
Now here I am, sitting here at the tender age of almost 41, and I’m like – is the garden watered now?
When am I gonna get to the end of this marathon? When do I actually cross the finish line? Oh my god, am I just running around one of those Oval Track and Field things, I’m just going around in circles aaahhh!
So, if you’re tuning into Magical Reality TV for the Revolution because you just want to know if met my future partner yet….NOPE!
But we still do talk aaallll the time in the quantum realm.
We just call each other up in the ways that our bodies have always known how to do that.
We get real chatty with it through the original phone lines – the roots of trees, the mycellium, the rocks as storytellers, the sea shells as shell phones.
The sea shells as shell phones, the sea shells as shell phones, the sea shells as shell phones.
There’s your theatre vocal warm up for today!
So let me show you a conversation I recently had with my future partner, just like a few days back. [sound of film]
We’re falling asleep next to each other like we usually do, that kind of sweet, before bed time tender chatter…
He says to me –
Can I call you next week? Like in a different way than I usually do?
Yeah…wait. What do you mean? Like, for real?
Now Shaunga in real time, I sit up in my bed and I’m like – hold up. The ritual I did to call in my life partner wasn’t nine years ago, it was 10. That was April 2015. It’s April 18th today, 2025.
A Nine Year is for completion. It’s to wrap things up. Things don’t usually come into full manifestation in a nine year. That’s reserved for the year of one.
We’re in a year of One! We’re One! Baby, We’ve Already One!
I get up and I look at my personal astrology transits that are pinned on my bulleton board. What’s going on for me right now and over the next six weeks?
Okay, Uranus Opposing my Ascendant – big deal. Saturn squaring my Moon, big deal. Jupiter is…HUUUHH, Jupiter is about to conjunct my Sun and Venus in the 7th House of Partnership!?!
I’m in my Jupiter Return! Jupiter’s Returning to my Son! This is when I fall in love! I fell in love last time this transit happened! These are manifestation transits – put all three astrological elements together, Jupiter, Uranus, Saturn and you get – Shaunga’s gonna meet her future partner.
I go back to bed to my incorporeal quantum partner about this and I’m like – you’re asking me if you call me – for real?
For real.
You just…you gotta give me the green light.
What does that mean?
You have to say yes. You have to tell me that you want this.
Oh okay…YES. I DECLARE…I give you my full permission…Call me! I’m ready.
Okay, that was cute but…
Did it work? Will you call me?
No, you can’t say it…you can’t just like, declare bankruptcy…you can’t just stand in your office, at the doorway to the break room and yell I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!! No, there’s a process you have to go through.
Okay my love, it’s been 10 years. We’ve completed the process.
No, I mean, I know. We have. You just have to…you have to tell me in our language.
Say it the way our Ancestors understand. You have to speak in Ceremony to me baby, you know? Offer me your consent that way.
I love it when you talk Ceremony to me.
Yeah, it’s just how we talk. It’s just us.
Okay, well what’s the protocol? I don’t know what to do.
Yeah, you do.
No…I really don’t know this time, just tell me.
Oh no, we’re not doing that again
What (laughs)
No, we’re not gonna do that thing where you’re like, baby I need business advice
And I’m like, well, what am I gonna tell you that you don’t already know?
No, I swear, I don’t know this time, I really don’t know, I need help?
Okay well what is it?
And you tell me and I’m like, why don’t you just do x y z
And you’re like NO NO NO, that’s not gonna work
And I’m like, well why not?
And you say: BECAUSE (garble garble garble) and you say something totally brilliant, that’s like this mad spiritual scientist map of some crazy revolution that’s actually very practically sound, and easy to understand
And I’m like – well why don’t you just do that?
Well, maybe I will
Okay then!
Fine!
Fine!
(laughs) Okay you’re right, that is totally us
Yeah, so I ain’t tellin you nothin this time, Tagore
Then a bunch of other stuff happens before we fall asleep, one day you’ll get the non PG version, if you like stuff like that, you know erotic storytelling
I can’t wait anymore – blah blah blah
call me, call me now – blah blah blah
It was very sexy. Now we’re tired, we’re falling asleep
And then, I kind of jolt out of my sleep, you know what that happens you’re like
Ah the rainbows are coming talk to the frogs
That’s what happened I was like – HEY YOU have to talk to him, he doesn’t want to
My future partner is like – what?
And I was like what? What did I say?
I’m serious, I’m not kidding, this is my Shaunga in real time actual memoir, that’s what I said…let me check my journal [pages flip] what night did that happen? Umm…
April 8th. That’s what I said on April 8th before I fell asleep. You have to talk to him, he doesn’t want to.
At the time we just laughed about it and fell asleep anyway.
But the next day, while I was awake, drinking my morning tea, I remembered that moment and it took me for a pause.
If I’m actually gonna meet my future partner…soon…I think I just got the message that there’s a part of him that doesn’t want to.
That’s what you do with any kind of manifestation spell, right? If you’re wondering why you can’t seem to cross a finish line, even if you’re more than ready, you have wonder whether or not you’re just running around an oval track.
You have to look into your entire body and assess whether or not there’s a part of you that isn’t saying yes. They have a reason, probably a good one, as to why they don’t want something that every other part of you wants.
It’s usually some version of your child self, teenage self, or a part of you that’s holding trauma. The way you work that out is, you just talk to them. You go in and you listen to the stories they want to show you.
If my partner just said to me – I can’t wait anymore. And I said – go talk to him, he doesn’t want to. That means, there’s probably something in me that I have to talk to as well.
But I don’t, because I have a dentist appointment. You know, teeth come first.
I’m walking to the dentist, got my headphones on. I turn on Ancestor Radio. You just press shuffle and ask your Ancestors to be the DJ. So My Ancestors move things around and that song comes on – I Am the Egg Man, but a cover version from that movie that I thought I would fall in love with just based on the title, but turns out I didn’t – Across the Universe.
So I’m walking to the dentist, listening to this song…and I see him. There he is.
The part of my partner that doesn’t want to. It’s not his child self or teenage self. It’s HIM. Right now. That’s my partner. In REAL TIME.
That’s not a part of him trapped in trauma. That’s the most successful part of him.
[music: “chatbot”]
He is the Egg Man. He is the Walrus.
That guy is a ROCKSTAR.
I see him, his wild, incredible Rockstar Projects. His Business is an Altar. An Ever Evolving Music Album? What?? His Pen is a Feather. He writes his life stories in collaboration with the trees, the rocks, the mycellium, the sea shells, the clouds.
I see him on stage, rocking out. And his Stage is a Ceremony. A sacred place for Ancestors to move, heal and evolve.
And he is soooo hot!
He’s fire, he’s wind. He’s rain. He’s taking the world by storm.
I want him. That’s who I want to connect with right now.
How to make the connection? What’s the protocol? I do know what to do.
I put on my figure skates.
Didn’t I tell you? I’m obsessed with figure skating. Ever since I was a kid. You didn’t know?
I put on my figure skates and I do what I know how to do. Cross cuts, three turns, stroking, building speed. Set up the triple lutz, triple toe. Nailed it. Flying Camel. Lay back. Sit Spin. Here comes the show stopper, the Epic Spiral Sequence. The crowd goes wild. Spread Eagle! Bask in it.
Yeah, this is all happening while I’m walking to the dentist on a busy street in the middle of a big city. I’ll leave it to you to decide whether or not I was actually dancing around pretending to figure skate.
But see, this is what was happening in the Multiverse.
I skated past every other version of my future partner who I have already met, who I already know so well.
[music: “chatbox” ends, “adapted by dark” begins]
His child self running around in nature surrounded by family and community, climbing trees and rocks, coming home muddy and messy and so happy
His teenage self, playing guitar alone in his bedroom, still trying to make the best of a horrifying personal and global situation, in a home that gives him everything he needs but never actually welcomed him
The rockstar that did get lost in trauma, standing on one side of a doorway, face to face with the guy who raised him on the other side, finally breaking down, falling to his knees, sobbing, I need help, please be my dad
I skate past every part of my partner who I already know, already hold, already love in practise, in action.
I skate past every part of him that has already said yes to me.
When we get married on stage. Not married like legal rigamarole. Married like, Laws of Nature. Yeah, our wedding ceremony turns out to be a Big Queer Cabaret Sold Out Musical Theatre Extravaganza, live streaming to every part of the world – what can we say? It’s just us.
I skate past the part of our future where I get so sick that I almost die, and he legitimately turns into Captain Blood of the Mighty Ducks Dr Helicopter Partner holding everyone in the community accountable very precise the spiritual and practical protocols of my recovery routine. He gets really intense and serious about it, everyone’s like – wow you’re usually so fun, what happened to you?
And he’s like, my wife almost died.
I skate past the part of us that will almost break up. Yeah that was the worst. But don’t worry, we move through it. We stay together. I skate past the part of us that won’t break up, no matter what, even when we have to separate.
I skate past all of it – the child in him whose body already knows what do to. When I’m struggling. When I’m in pain. Having a really bad day. Like I was last year, his child self showed up, and just tell me what’s wrong, even if it doesn’t make sense. Just say something.
So I did. The rainbows are coming and I can’t find the frog. It doesn’t make sense. It’s all he needed. He wrapped his hands around my ankles. I asked What are you doing? I asked. I’m grounding you into the truth. Just like he did when I was an Old Woman, my heart is in pain, everything is in pain, but he came home, he held my ankles, he showed me the truth.
At the speed of a world class figure skater, I pay all of it no mind.
Today, I want the Rockstar. I already know all of those parts.
[music ends]
I’m skating so fast now, I’m like that guy from Mighty Ducks 2 who is legitimately the fastest hockey skater in the world, the only problem is – he doesn’t know how to stop. It’s the most epic moment of that movie, he’s on a break-away, no one can catch him, he could make the winning goal, but only if he stops in time to shoot the puck in the net! Can he do it?
The rockstar song ends, right at the moment I get to the dentist. I open the door and –
CCCHHHSSSSS.
I stopped! Babe, I did it! I stopped!
Ow. Whatchyou do that for?
There’s snow all over his face now, from stopping at such high speed.
Oh, come on that didn’t hurt. I sit down, taking off my skates. The cold never bothered you anyway.
Wow – I look around. What is this place?
He looks at me like – I don’t understand the question.
It’s a gorgeous landscape. Lush. Green. Peaceful. Stretches of hills and valleys. Bright Flowers in warm colours. In the distance there’s a gorgeous waterfall, and a beautiful mountain.
I turn to face my partner.
What are you doing here?
I like it here.
You know when you’re doing inner healing work, and you’re talking to the one part of you that doesn’t want the thing that every part of you wants, but this is the key to your healing as a whole…you know to speak tenderly.
You’re not here to give a lecture or shake their shoulders or wake them up. You’re not here to point out everything they’re doing wrong. There’s a time for pointing things out.
You have to know the difference.
I’m not here to push him. I just want to talk, and listen.
Will you show me around?
Who are you? What’s your business here?
Who…it’s me. Shaunga.
He’s still looking at me like he doesn’t understand.
I don’t…I don’t know that name.
What do you mean? You’re realm time…you follow me.
Who?
You follow me in real time. On social media. I know you do.
How?
You told me.
Follow…I don’t follow. We don’t do that here.
What’s here? What is this place?
It doesn’t have a name.
Now I’m looking at him like I don’t understand.
Are you sure cuz…doesn’t that cause you some problems? Like spiritual problems? Living somewhere that doesn’t have a name?
It doesn’t need one
S-State your business here. Who are you?
I’m…a friend. Or at least, I’d like to be.
Why?
Um…because…? I’ve seen you around. At…parties…and stuff?
No…we don’t have those here.
What was your name again?
Shaunga
Why does that sound…familiar?
I look at him like…I I really don’t know what else to say here…
But..he softens.
Do you…do you want to see the library?
Yeah…yeah. Show me the library.
Okay, it’s this way.
I can feel the sun beaming in his body, just at the mention of the library.
We walk past a garden, almost in full bloom. We get to the library which turns out is on the east.
Oh my god –
Now that I’m here, in the east, I have a full view of the west. I’m taken aback because in the west there’s a giant pair of lungs. Giant like, the size of a condo building.
There’s an equally giant glass container around them. They’re breathing. But they’re not in a body. They’re hooked up to some kind of life support.
Rodion. Look.
My partner about to walk into the library, flips around.
What did you call me?
Look at those lungs. They’re filled with fluid. They need to be drained. This needs to be done, like immediately.
My partner looks at me like – I don’t understand the question. He glances at the lungs.
Do you…wanna see the library now? His eyes return to me.
I look at him. I look back over at the lungs. I make a judgement call.
I want to understand what’s going on with my partner. I want to keep listening to whatever he has to say even if it doesn’t make sense. But the lungs…I see that they do have some time, just not much.
So, I nod to my partner. We go into the library.
It’s a beautiful library. It feels familiar. It feels like the many times I’ve fallen asleep on my partner’s chest. It looks like the library in beauty in the beast. Not the beast’s library, not the giant one in the castle. But the one in the village. That Belle would visit all the time? The independent bookstore.
Sweet notebooks fill the shelves, beautiful colours. It’s tidy and organized, but also a little messy and lived in. Just the perfect combination of cozy comfort.
Wow…Rodion. This is gorgeous.
They’re not just books, they’re tinctures. Do you know about that? Stories as Altars?
I know something about that.
Yeah, see, it’s not just a library, it’s-it’s-it’s an apothecary. Yeah…yeah…it’s like…uh, it’s a healing bed. It’s really helped me, you know, a lot. To heal.
You know one of the best things about being in a relationship are the moments you get to listen to your partner talk about something that they’re really nerdy about. Even with just a few words, I can tell how much partner loves these books, and the technology of books.
I touch one of the books sitting out on the table. I gently stroke the purple cover with a gold border.
It doesn’t have a title.
It dawns onto me. I look at around at all the books open on display.
None of them. Rodion, none of these books have titles.
He shrugs, like what a weird thing to say.
They don’t need any.
How do you know which is which? (haha) I laugh. Which witch is witch?
Because…I know them.
I look down at the purple book, my hand still on it. I open it up to the first page. It’s handwritten.
Did you write this? Did you write all of these?
They’re weren’t written. They were heard.
I didn’t write them. I just wrote them down.
Who wrote them?
It dawns onto me
Are these…is every book here…
They’re all
[together] From the same writer
I walk to a red book displayed on a shelf. I pick it up and flip through. I do the same with an orange one. A green one. A yellow one.
A gold one is left sitting on a reading chair. I pick it up, flip through it and sure enough. It’s Magical Reality TV for the Revolution.
Rodion, this is our life.
Why do you keep calling me that?
He takes the gold book from my hands, walks across the room and puts it back on the shelf.
Rodion? Because…you look like a Rodion.
No I don’t.
Yes…you do!
No. I don’t.
I dunno…I think so.
Why does this feel like one of those really tense moments in a relationship, like a really bad fight with your partner…not fight like screaming and throwing things…fight like, it’s quiet.
Like you’re not actually fighting anymore, you’re locked in a stale mate… and you’ve actually been living in that stale mate for months or even years. Standing face to face across a threshold. You thought you were in the same room, but you’re separated by a door. This is the moment you realize, neither of you is gonna budge.
Whose Lungs are those? How much time do they have?
What is that?
What?
Time?
You don’t know what time it is?
I don’t know what TIME is. What-what is that?
Time, it’s just…it’s time!
I don’t know how to explain it, which is really funny because I’m actually a Time Keeper. I run an Apothecary of storytelling medicine too – it’s my Time Keeper’s Rare Apothecary, and we have sooo many episodes on the podcast that we’ve already published about time…
Like I could talk to you for hours about the concept of time, ancestral time verses capitalism time…we have episodes that we’ve talked about all sorts of ancestral time keeping technologies: Stretching Time, Twisting Time, Time Loops, Time as a Heartbeat.
But I don’t know how to explain it in a sentence.
Time it just – it just…is.
Yeaahh…no, we don’t have that here.
You…don’t have time?
Here – correct.
Or…you just don’t have time for me?
He looks at me like…I don’t understand the question.
You know, I get it. I was once a Wolf who Stopped Time, too. We have an episode about that, actually. I published it my 40th birthday
So…I get it. But…Rodion
Why do you keep calling me that?
[music: foam party]
Don’t you want to dance?
We don’t have those here
Don’t you want to live out the queer BIPOC version of Jim and Pam like can I be your partner in pranking for life?
We don’t have those here
Don’t you want to live out our abolitionist, decolonizing, anti-ableist literally across the universe version of hit reality tv – we can call it, I don’t know, Love is Ceremony, or Love that Breaks the Rules
We don’t have those here
Don’t you wanna be the genderfucking trancestor version of cutting edge you know like, figure skater falls in love with the hockey player
[sings] we don’t have those here
Don’t you want to be the much less problematic and fucked up version of how I met your mother like how you met your future partner
[sings falsetta] We don’t have those here
But Rodion…don’t you want to dance with me?
We don’t…have those
But Rodion
It’s your birthday
We don’t…we don’t have those here
You don’t have a birthday?
Hey…do you want…um
You don’t have a birthday
Do you wanna go camping with me?
You don’t have a birthday! I know where we are, Rodion. I know what this place is. This is Endless. It’s another concept of time that I’ve been studying with my Ancestors. We’re in the Endless of Time. Wait – did you just ask me to go camping with you?
What is that? End-Endless of Time?
Endless, yes.
It’s a solidarity prayer that my Ancestors taught me. It’s how I close my portals these days. Whenever I run a ceremony, or a group class. Or at the end of researsal or a writing session. Or even when I’m just praying over my food.
[echoing] My healing is your healing
Your healing is my healing
Til the ends of the Earth and beyond.
Until the Endless of Time.
In solidarity,
from my heart to yours.
You know when we say “until the end of time” as a declaration of love, or commitment, or long term partnership, we say I’m yours – until the end of time
But that’s not how I love the ones that I love…and time doesn’t end.
If you actually study time, it’s more like one of those oval track and field things. You move forward in time, yeah, trying to get somewhere. But time in the universe doing this never ending spiral thing, it takes you right back to where you began. And I don’t actually understand how we do it. How do we not run out of breath?
That’s what this place is. That’s where we are. It’s where I finally found you. In the Endless of Time.
You have all the time in the Universe here, you have Endless. Endless time to spend with who and what you love.
When you have so much of something, all of it – time – you can’t run out of it. You can’t gain an hour. You can’t lose one either. You can’t count it. You can’t count on it. You can’t rush it. You can’t manipulate it. You can’t push it, or pull it. You can’t stop it.
You can’t measure it. There’s no rhythm here. There’s no need for a rhythm, for a pulse, if you never have to contain it.
It’s a paradox. You have so much of something that it ceases to exist. You have all of it, so it disappears.
You have all the time in the world here, Rodion. You have all of time, so much that you don’t have it anymore.
You don’t have time to spend, here, Rodion – whose lungs are those?
How do you make your way out of a paradox? What’s the antidote to the most complex quantum phemonenon in the Universe.
Well, I already got that. The antidote. How to make your way out of a paradox. It’s simplicity. It’s the most simple, straightforward thing facing you, right in front of you.
Are you telling me, Rodion, that we’re gonna disappear? That we have so much time to spend here, in the Endlessness of our love, that we could just get lost here forever?
Whose Lungs are those? I walk over to the window staring out into the west.
Do you…want to read a story with me?
I would Rodion but…The Lungs.
This one. I like this one. He picks up the purple book and takes it to his reading chair.
I like this one.
I walk over to him, and peer over his shoulder.
Hey…this one does have a title. This episode that we’re in, right now.
It’s called: “Call Me, Call Me Anytime, The Rockstar: A conversation with my future partner in real time.”
Do you know the ending? it’s my favourite part.
How does it end?
It doesn’t
(laughs) Of course. The episode about Endlessness doesn’t end. Of course.
But right now, Rodion…
I walk across the room, to the window again.
I have to do the simple thing.
I have to go.
I turn to face him, but we’re not in a face off. He’s just sitting there, reading. Happy.
I look around the library. None of these stories have names.
I get it. It doesn’t matter to you. It’s why you don’t recognize me. Not because you don’t follow me, but because you don’t care about names here.
I can’t live like that.
Principle of Ancestral Artistry. Protocol for divine partnership.
Know what you will and won’t fight about.
I’m not going to fight you on this, but I can’t stay here either.
I have business to tend to.
I turn to leave. I open the door. I take one step across the threshold.
Shaunga?
I turn around and he’s right here. Facing me. Six inches away. On the otherside of a door.
Yes, Rodion?
What if I’m just a story? What if I’m not real? How would you know?
I don’t, my love.
I reach out. I put my hand on his cheek. His entire body feels it. The sun in him re-members something important at the feel of my touch.
I don’t know if you’re real. It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t know what’s actually going to happen to me over the next six weeks during this astrological transit where I’m destined to fall in love. When I meet that person, I don’t know if it’s actually gonna be you. And, if I did in fact meet you in the 3D somewhere out there, I don’t know if I would choose to spend my life with you.
It doesn’t matter to me. I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never stop writing our story together.
But I can’t stay here.
Who you are – who you become – when you address the lungs. That’s who I want to meet. That’s who I already am.
You’ve found a really good work around down here. You never have to address them, because they’ll never run out of time.
You don’t know me but – every part of me wishes I could live like that too.
Like I could just…take the things that mean everything to me, what I’ve already lost, and just put it here before I lose it, so that we never run out of time.
I wish I could do that – every part of me wants to do that.
Except for the one part of me that can’t stay here.
Turns out – she’s who I want.
She’s my priority.
She’s the only reason I stuck around after they died. The reason why I got myself born in the first place.
I want to LIVE Rodion!
And you don’t know me, but there are things I won’t fight with you about.
I love the part of you that says no. I love the part of you that declines. I love the part of you that won’t do life with me.
If you knew anything about my past, you would understand – that is the most important thing I needed to build into my love ritual. My ceremonial foundation of long term partnership or long term anything.
The right to say no – even if it’s entirely.
I know you have a good reason to stay here, and I respect that.
This library…it’s us.
It’s enough. It’s everything. Everything we wrote down.
And, it’s nothing.
Especially if I don’t prioritize Shaunga in Real Life.
But that doesn’t mean I’m giving this up. I have space for all of it.
I’m gonna go now.
But Rodion, call me.
Call me on the original phone line, on any phone line, just call me. Call me anytime.
So I leave. My dentist appointment is done. I walk out the door, on my way home, knowing the full meaning of my name
Shaunga
[music: “adapted by dark”]
it means
complete knowledge
complete awareness
complete consciousness
let’s just say it means completion
And if my name means completion
it means that I am
death
and thus, new beginnings
the meaning of my name is
the willingness to start over
my name is a break up poem
we’re the clean up crew
the ones who come in
after the last of the applause settles
after the press tour is over
after all of it has been thoroughly
cleansed,
processed, digested
fully received
after several goodbye parties
and then several more
after the world, the whole world
is celebrated in its entirety,
every drop of life and death
that was ever was
every small thing
after we complete
everything that needs celebrating
spoiler alert
that’s impossible
how do you celebrate a life well lived
enough to make peace with leaving?
You don’t
you just don’t
but you do have to talk about it
you have to listen
to the song that never ends
at least try singing it one time
HA! gotchyou,
now you’re singing it!
now you’re in endless of time
that’s where we come in
me and my ancestors
we are the clean up crew
we take down the entire set
I am the woman who took down the world
we are the poem that took down the empire
I am a break up poem
I am a break
Up Poem
I’m a lunch break, a dinner party
something refreshing
I am an UP poem
I am the Erasable Woman
we were here
the entire time
you didn’t know our name because it was too painful
to say it out loud the name of the one whose job it is to take down the world
you can’t say it
not while you’re still in it
But she Was here
She had to be this whole time
She is the one who sees it all
even if you don’t see her
because she is the one who needs to know you well enough to take you down
she holds it all
because she is the one
who has to let it all go
[sounds of water]
I am The Erasable Woman 2.0
Made in a body that you can touch
Willing to Start Over
I’m here, I’m alive
I am happy to introduce myself
I’m Shaunga, storyteller and spell weaver, Showrunner of the Ancestors Writers Room, good host of Magical Reality TV for the Revolution
This is Us!
The Thriving Global Village
This is How We Live and Die
I get home, I open the door and
SURPRISEEEE!!!
What the BEEEEEPPP
Excuse me while I call everyone I have ever met right now
Did I just walk into a massive surprise party for me and everyone is here and I didn’t figure it out before it happened!?
There he is. Right in front of me.
Rodion.
Lying across the table, wearing nothing but his birthday suit…and a cute little pink birthday hat…because it’s his birthday.
Are you serious!?! Did you just punk me!?! Did you just throw me a surprise birthday party on YOUR birthday!?
AFTER you made it clear to me that Rodion in Real Time wasn’t gonna choose me!? And I went ahead and made peace with that!? You just Jim and Pam Pranked Me!!
The Rockstar Speaks:
[music: “chatbox”]
What can I tell you baby? I’ve always been bad
[outro]
That’s it for today’s episode Good Listeners, were we expecting an epic super sized episode today!? I mean, I sure wasn’t!
I’m serious I just wrote this script, recorded and edited it all today. Sometimes I’m just crazy like that. What can I say – it’s my future partner’s birthday.
For everyone else, I hope you have a really good day, wherever you are in the Multiverse!
Check the show notes for all the links you need.
I have an updated list of my current services available, after a really long time, my calendar for 1:1 bookings is open again, that’s right. The Otherworldly Giants Creative and Spiritual Luxury Spa is officially open for business. I’m really excited to support other ROCKSTARS who are living for the planet, and living on an ancestral prayer – if you’re a rockstar with a rockstar project, I would love to support you. Check it out. If you’re listening from the future, or from the Endless of Time…check out the website, see what’s current – because I have no idea what I’m doing in the time that you’re in, unless it’s right now.
Until next time, good listeners,
Be Brave! Be a Giant!
[music takes us out]