My Ancestors Name Me Worthy

This transmission is part of the Otherworldly Giants Blooming Altar. You can read it below, and/or listen to an audio recording here.

my ancestors name me
worthy


to be loved
adored


to be seen and known as beautiful


especially when I am imperfect


I have been named fully worthy
to be loved


when I cause unintentional harm
when I hurt people’s feelings
when I act without thinking
when I put my sagittarius foot in my gemini mouth


when my words charge too fast
or hide too slow
when I freeze
and fail to find my voice


I am worthy to be loved
when it’s unclear if I’ve done right or wrong
only that I’ve upset a kindred


when I don’t know the right move
and I don’t make the best choice


when I take a risk and it doesn’t work out so well
when I try something new and my audience is
offended or uninterested 


I am worthy to be loved when
I change my mind
when I do not do what I said I was going to do
when I move with an abrupt change of heart


I am worthy to be loved when
I do not meet expectations
when I cause disappointment
when I say no – and again, no –
because I choose myself


I am worthy to be loved when I act
without considering the potential
needs, desires and experiences of others


I am fully worthy to feel and experience

gratitude

for myself


when I choose to prioritize my well-being
regardless of who misunderstands or appreciates
regardless of the consequences


I am worthy to be loved
when I make mistakes


when I do not know something
before I learn it


I am fully worthy to not know
something before I learn it


fully worthy
to call
not knowing something
before I learn it
something other than a “mistake”


worthy to be loved by all of life
during an attack
a break-up
an assault


while in despair
out of control
overwhelmed with fear
and shattered by loss


I am worthy to be loved in the not-so-glamorous
places of being a leader
a trail blazer
a game changer
a heavy hitter
a community mother

the isolation
the rejection

the courage to be lonely

the willingness to be named

uncaring
untrustworthy

while still providing for those who name you
selfish

while choosing roads for myself
that the rest of the family
does not yet want, and may never want


I am worthy to define myself outside of anyone else’s perceptions


I am worthy to be loved
while I plant seeds I may never see as a full bloom garden 


worthy
to find purpose, meaning, fulfillment and completion
with the seeds and the sprouts


I am worthy to be loved
in the places of me that are
still seeds
still sprouts
not experts
not masters
not healers
not providers


I am worthy to be loved
when I’m on a break
when I do not continue the work
when I decide to end my part of a legacy
when I choose a healing that is threatening


when I move slower than my people want me to move
when I swim deeper than my loved ones want to descend


I am worthy to be loved
when I am not inspiring
not entertaining
not reassuring
not wise
not helping


I am worthy to be loved
while I am still learning
how to honour
what matters most to me


I am worthy
in my most haunting regret
my most insurmountable sorrow


I am worthy
when I direct my resources toward myself
when I keep my relationship with the land private
when I do not announce my activism
when I stop living by an unspoken collective  code of ethics
I no longer believe in


I am worthy
when I don’t create another space for community to tell their stories
and instead create space for the ancestors in me to speak


when I give myself gifts
and do not apologize for that audacity


when I live my boundaries instead of
explaining them


when I claim my limits
instead of repenting
for all I did not do for others


I am worthy to be loved
when I’m messy
when I’m crazy
when I’m wild and foolish
when I’m serious and quiet
when I haven’t figured out everything about my grief
because I’m still in the middle of it


when I missed the small things
because I was focused on the long game


I am worthy to be loved
before I knew how to understand or protect
the enormity of spirit charging through me
rupturing into everyone and everything near me
with or without their consent


I am worthy to be loved
before I found a community that held me unconditionally
supported me, resourced me, kept me accountable to
healing myself and
adopted me as their own


I am worthy to be loved
while I learn how to stop living in a war
that is over


I am worthy to be loved
when I am overly chatty
when I am monosyllabic
when I’m grumpy
when I’m petty
when I’m bitter
when I’m salty


when I work from my wounds
when I am not making anyone feel better
when I do not pick up the phone
when I don’t intervene in a crisis


when I take advice from the universe
and not from my friends, family, teachers, partners or community


I am worthy to be loved
when I don’t have the answers
when I am uninformed
when I have no idea wtf you’re talking about


I am worthy to be loved
when my success is
triggering

when my ambition
my survival
my freedom
my wholeness
the silence on my face

makes me a walking, breathing
trigger warning 


I am worthy to be loved


when I need attention
when I need help
when I’m quietly drowning


when I’m holding a house on my shoulders
sheltering it from the fire on the land

when my feet are getting burned


I am worthy in my addictions
and my sobriety
I am worthy of my own forgiveness


I am worthy to be loved
when I do not trade my sovereignty
for connection or familiarity


when I do not choose between my freedom
and my caregiving


when I refused to make a deal with a sea witch
who wanted to give me the world
but keep my voice for herself


when I ran from my seat of power
because I thought I killed my King


I am worthy to be loved
as a complete embodied force of nature
an ambassador of the galaxies


because I am
the ocean floor volcanoes
I am the Himalayas
I am the clouds
I am the ice
I am Niagara Falls
I am the zodiac


I am peace on a breezy sunny day
in the middle of June

I am sweet prairie fields
bestowed with longevity 


I am the superhero traversing portals
at the waterslide park


I am belly full laughter
I am the inside joke
I am sacred tears


I am the full moon
I am the eclipse


I am the song
and the story
and the silence


I am worthy to
receive back
what I’ve put out in the world


to get what I give


the medicine
the magic
the money
the wealth in all its forms


the persevering
the protection
the space holding

the good faith
the unconditional support
the unabashed enthusiasm

the awe-inspiring, mind bending wisdom
the desire to understand
the listening without judgement

the gems
the weapons
the offerings that never expire

the ability to see the good in everyone
the ability to see god in everyone

the way I goddamn full out go to BAT
for who and what I care about
the friends I believe in
the community that I love 


I am fully completely

worthy

to not be alone
in my self love


to choose relationships
where love and respect
are not estranged siblings


I am fully completely worthy
to be loved
adored
cherished
savoured
goddamn serenaded


by those who protect me
and my sovereignty


by those who go to bat for me
with a ferocity
that rivals my commitment to myself

by those who are overjoyed
just to know me 


because I am divinity
I am mercy
I am serenity
I am transition
I am the erotic
I am the world
I am home


I am the apothecary
I am the library
I am the temple
I am the city


I am the batter
and the ball


I am the colours
and the animals
and the adventure


I am the planet made of tidal waves
mistaken for mountains


I am the lucky man
with fire in my hands

I am the rollercoaster
and the great mystery

I am the sea witch
and the lion king

I am the celebration
and the dream
and the prayer
and the call

I am the companion
and the mother
and the elder
and the baby

I am
a good friend 


I Got The Love

I Am The One


My Ancestors Name Me Worthy

Because I Am 

The Tunnel

The Window

The Mirror

I Am The Human


My Ancestors Grant Me Full Freedom

to be loved and loved well

while I am human


and I do not need to name myself

as I am already free


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