Friends, I can’t motherforking believe it. It’s actually literally JUST hitting me.
I finished writing my first complete book that will be released to the world.
And it’s coming out…just about now!!!
I honestly can’t believe this is happening. It snuck up on me.
There are many times that I almost completed the process of writing a book. In 2010 I wrote a book of poetry, (“The Erasable Woman”) but I never shared it with the world, beyond a small handful of people. I didn’t pursue getting it published, even though I was encouraged to, even though part of me really wanted to, because it never felt right.
In 2015 I almost finished my first draft of another book (“Medicine for Survivors: A Year of Heartbreak and Magic”). But at some point when I was really close to finishing, I just stopped. I put it away and never picked it back up.
I had no idea I was going to write the book that’s here today. I wasn’t planning on it, and I wasn’t even “technically” working on it.
I began 2021 working on my next play, “Scorpio Rising and the Phoenix,” which is part of my Otherworldly Giants Saga. These are stories that revolve around the astrological archetypes of planets and constellations who come to life as humans in a parallel universe. (The play I wrote in 2019, PLUTO, is part of this saga and is going into production this year!)
For most of 2021 I was channeling my new play like a motherfucker. Every day I wrote tons of pages, brainstorming character development and world building for Saturn (the wise mentor) and Scorpio Rising (the star pupil) who go on an adventure at “Saturn’s Return” – a magical school for Prizmatic People who have the Potential of Becoming Something More.
I was on a roll and felt like all the writing would eventually lead me into completing the full script for this 6-part audio drama.
But instead, sometime around August I put it aside. And I channelled something entirely different instead.
This is not just a book.
How can I describe it? The truest thing I can say is this:
Let Loss Make You Warm is someone who I love with all my heart.
And then some.
It’s really just that simple.
Let Loss Make You Warm is a trifecta of magic that lives in one dynamic, integrated container.
It is a personal grief memoir that is first and foremost a dedication to some of my most beloved relationships across time, distance and dimension
And, it is also a high quality, robust grief workshop series designed to support any reader to better understand their unique, personal grief and build/deepen a healing relationship with their grief
And, it is also an incredibly strong grief tincture, expertly infused energetic medicine, crafted with powerful storytelling technology and ancestral healing codes, designed to call forth empowerment and liberation in your holistic body
Like I said, I didn’t plan to write this. I just sat down one day, and it was there.
In 3 weeks it flowed out of me, like water. It soared easily and quietly, like the falcon who I sometimes see flying above the buildings outside my window, who shows himself to me at specifically timed moments. (Like, literally when I wrote this sentence!)
Let Loss Make You Warm was just ready. It was just done. The words were already there, all I needed to do was put them down.
My journey with this book, and with writing in general, reflects my core understanding of storytelling technology which is weaved into the foundation of Otherworldly Giants, my new Creation Company and Storytelling School.
A fundamental principle of storytelling technology is that stories are sovereign spirits. They have a life of their own. We don’t own the stories that we move through us, but they do belong to us, and we belong to them.
I mean that in the true spirit of belonging. Like how we belong to the earth, to life. We belong here. Not because we own anything. But because we are loved. Because we are wanted.
Stories have free will. They have desires. Stories have the power to extend or withdraw consent in our shared interactions, just like any other relationship. They have preferences as to how and if they want to be shared. They have needs that are incredibly nuanced, intricate and sometimes contradictory, just like our own needs are.
To be a storyteller, to be someone with a calling and commitment to allow the stories flow through you that you need to tell, that need to be told, is a life long apprenticeship in the heart work of parenting and companionship.
Because that’s who you have to be to your sacred stories. You have to be their parent. You have to be their companion.
That doesn’t mean that your free will, desires, preferences, and incredibly nuanced intricate and sometimes contradictory needs disappear when birthing or parenting your story. On the contrary, as co-creators you are truly equal collaborators in a journey of dynamic and fluid sacred reciprocity. You have the power to extend or withdraw your consent at any moment in the creative process.
There’s a reason why none of my previous books came into a particular kind of fruition, and why it’s happening for me now, in 2022, at the tender age of almost-38.
With my other books, it was like having a child that said, actually I’m not going to become who you expected me to become. Or a partner that said, I know we made these plans but now I’m going in a different direction.
These moments in relationships really hurt. When you want something to continue and it just doesn’t happen.
And sure, I moved through all the wounded feelings of self-doubt, rejection, scarcity and frustration that I honestly don’t believe any writer can avoid.
Why the fuck can’t I get through this writer’s block, why can’t I bring this to a state of completion when I’ve invested SO MUCH of myself into it? Why doesn’t anybody want to publish my heart and soul work? Why aren’t my stories good enough? What if this thing that I NEED to say to the world never gets heard?
The act of sharing your story with others is an incredibly important part of the completion ritual embedded in the storytelling process.
Your collaboration with your story will tell you exactly what the two of you both want and what’s the right move: whether it’s sharing it with millions of people through a large publishing house, or doing a live reading at a small intimate gathering with your closest friends, or hosting a celebration night with your community at your local bookstore, or whatever is most specific and appropriate for the sacred relationship you share.
Now what happens if – just like in human connection – you get to a certain crossroads where you and your book have radically different desires and goals for your relationship? What if the spirit of your story wants something different than you do?
I can be a lot to just let it go and move on to another project when something inside you feels so incomplete.
But, just like in human connection, that is sometimes what we need to do.
Sometimes we have to accept that who and what we invested our time in, just might not be the one.
On a collective cosmic level, I put forward that 2022 is the year of the life partner.
It’s a pretty simple numerological interpretation: when you have 2 of anything, you have a relationship. “2” is the primordial essence of partnership in the universe. Amplify that by 3 (222) and you get partnership energy that is powerful enough, stable enough, and compatible enough, for the long haul.
In tarot, 2s can often represent raw connection and chemistry between two energies. In the major arcana, the 2 is the High Priestess. This suggests that the most powerful 1-1 connection we can access and resource is our relationship with spirit.
Take 2022 (2+2+2) and you get 6, the Lovers card. From 2 to 6 you go from raw connection to a long lasting partnership built on shared values and a shared higher purpose.
Now, let’s take into account the zero in the middle of 2022.
Zero is the Black Hole. Zero is the ultimate creator and destroyer. Zero is absolutely nothing, and also all of infinite possibility.
To have partnership stem from this place of complete, sacred emptiness is a holy partnership.
Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is godliness and god is empty, just like me!
You take the angsty white boy frequency out of these lyrics and you get Holy Power.
“Zero” is partnership that cannot be destroyed, not by endings, not by death, because it is Empty, like God, like Creation.
Partnership that contains the Black Hole is partnership you won’t grow out of, because you both embody the spirit of transition, and thus have the power and potential to move through all of life’s phases and changes together.
Partnership that contains the Black Hole is partnership rooted in your raw, primordial essence, on both sides. This is partnership that doesn’t just have room for your whole Self, but requires the presence of your full Self – your Self as complete, your Self as finished, your Self as solitude.
Now, many of us have been building, brewing and preparing energy in a particular area of life for a GODDANG MINUTE NOW.
We’ve been spell casting and unlearning and dismantling and dissolving and deepening and going through all the initiations, all the live long day. Gathering very specific puzzle pieces, even if we’re not quite sure what the larger picture is.
2022 is the year when all that shit is hot enough to drop.
2022 is the year we finally share, magnetize and harmonize what we’ve been building.
2022 is the year when the lone wolf becomes an orchestra.
Whatever we’ve been incubating is just a little too giant to continue living in our bodies, and we need someone else to help us carry the load and the love.
If we want to take whatever it is to the next level, we need the presence of someone who is not us. We need partnership.
2022 is the year you meet – or more accurately, reunite – with your life partner.
You have been planning this reunion for a long, long time.
Like, lifetimes and generations of planning.
The core of your essence, individually and together, has no fucking problem with patience.
No doubt or lack of faith.
No need for reassurance.
You have been waiting for the exact right timing. Because neither of you wants to eat an undercooked meal. Not when it could be so delicious.
You each needed to learn a bunch of stuff, and heal a bunch of stuff, in order to come together in the way you truly want. And the world around you had to learn and heal a bunch of stuff in order to be strong enough as a collective to support the unique challenges of your relationship and your shared growth. Because a 2022 partnership absolutely needs to be surrounded by loving community in order to thrive.
I encourage you to be expansive and open about who or what this life partner could turn out to be.
Maybe it’s a romantic partner. Maybe a creative partner. Maybe a book. Maybe a city. Maybe it’s your shadow twin. Maybe it’s your laughter.
This energy has the power to come through your existing relationships, or re-arrange them.
Just like with my book, one day you’ll look up, and it’ll just be there. Easily. As if it’s always been. Because it has.
It’s that feeling when, you’re the one who wrote the story, but when you read it, it’s like you’re meeting it for the first time. Each time. Like you’re falling in love with someone new that you’ve known forever.
It’s nothing you imagined and everything you wanted and so much more.
Moments like these make every book that never got finished worth it.
Like oh, I get it.
I was waiting for the one.
And you are the one.
Not because you’re better or worse than any other story.
But, because you are you.
Let me be clear, in this conversation I am dismantling any and all hetero – colonial – patriUGHrchal – understandings of what it means to search for “the one,” rooted in the idea that there is one partner (usually romantic or a family member) who is wholly and completely responsible for meeting all of your needs and fulfilling all of your desires at all times.
Instead, we look to what we learned from the Saturn-Uranus square of 2021: a very tense and challenging (in my case heart-wrenching) coming together of two planets who carry radically contradictory goals and energies.
Saturn brings structure, limitation, boundaries and focus. Uranus, who has been secretly hiding dynamite in every nook and cranny of The Tower, finally presses the detonate button and blows it all into rubble.
Saturn brings the medicine of specificity. Saturn says, “I’m not going to offer my gifts of endurance and material completion to any other book, because there is but one book that is exactly right for the rite of passage that is your first book.”
Saturn is always looking for the specific, highest quality, most potent medicine, cooked to the exact right temperature and texture, that will serve the healing, evolution and purpose of a specific moment in time. Saturn will say “nah” to anything that is not the one.
Saturn doesn’t mind saying no for as long as it takes to manifest according to divine timing – and sometimes that means your first book ain’t coming out until age almost-38. Not because Saturn is making you wait, but because Saturn is working!
I haven’t just been sitting on my hands for the past 38 years, I’ve been busy! I had to go through all the personal unravellings and becomings in order to be the person who had the capability of writing this specific book.
When I was younger, my family wanted me to choose medicine as a career path and become a doctor. But I always wanted to be an artist.
For the longest time, “medicine” and “art” were two separate, contradictory life paths.
Now, I’ve travelled all the roads that led me back to myself and I understand exactly who I am as an ancestrally guided storyteller. My stories are infused with ancestral, energetic medicine, my story is a LITERAL MEDICINE BOTTLE, and I’ve gone through the muck (some might say MUCK DUCK) to earn my mastery and expertise within this field!
At this point, I know exactly how to infuse specific energetic healing codes into my storytelling so that it can be a powerful healing agent for the collective. To be honest, I’ve known how to do this for a minute, but especially in the last few years, I needed to learn how to keep myself safe and reciprocated in the process. I wasn’t ready to share my first book until I learned those lessons.
This also makes the rejections from all the “prestigious” publishing institutions worth it!
I was never going to publish my first book with an outside company. I needed to do it with my own company (AND I needed to go through all the evolutions to CREATE this company in the first place!!), because Otherworldly Giants is the only container that could specifically understand and support the energetic medicine embedded in this particular work.
For the record – I chose to share Let Loss Make You Warm as a digital PDF you can read, as well as an audio book you can listen to. I’m not inherently opposed to hard copy format in the future, but, I also don’t feel an urgent need from myself OR the spirit of my book to go that route either.
What Let Loss Makes You Warm wants is very clear to me. It wants to be known to the world. It wants to reach every person who is looking for it. It wants to be shared far and wide.
When you harmonize Uranus and Saturn, you get liberated medicine formulated in a specific container, designed for a specific purpose.
When you harmonize Uranus and Saturn you remember that there is a specific “life partner” for every moment.
You remember that every relationship is “the one” if you learned something from it. Every story is the one because it was your companion for a certain amount of time – and isn’t that so fucking beautiful?
Every unfinished book is a world in and of itself. Every relationship that “didn’t work out” provided incredible, necessary medicine for all involved.
Our 2022 life partners only have the ability to show up now because of all the previous adventures that paved way for their arrival.
At the end of the day, your true primary partner is the adventure of your life! Every, single, fucking moment of it.
I end this transmission calling forth and extending gratitude to our Hopi elders who have shared this sacred prayer:
A Hopi Elder Speaks
-Attributed to an unnamed Hopi Elder. Hopi Nation, Oraibi, Arizona.
“You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour, now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour. And there are things to be considered…
“Where are you living?
What are you doing?
What are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.
It is time to speak your Truth.
Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader.
“Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, “This could be a good time!”
“There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.
“Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to halt.
“The time for the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in sacred manner and in celebration.
“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.
We are the ones.
We are the ones.