the dead don’t disappear (February 2020 Cosmic Report)

Dear Otherworldly Giants, 

Aquarius season is about lineage. Collective and generational knowledge.

Aquarius is concerned with what we share with one another: what we inherit, what we disrupt, break down, re-assemble, revolutionize, and what we continue. 

The point of each generation, and of each individual in a generation, is not to solve all the problems in the Universe, past, present and future. Though it’s easy to get caught up in this overwhelm when dealing with the expansive perspectives of the last four signs (Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces). 

The point is to move something forward. Something heartfelt. Something magical. Something purposeful. Some kind of movement that in its style, content, rhythm and location is unique to each individual, and to each generation.   

At the end of 2019, I did a ‘past decade’ tarot reading that I want to share with you here. I pulled a card for each year from 2011-2019. I asked, “What has been completed in each year? What has been completed to the extent that it played its part in a larger forward momentum?” 

(For some extra cosmic magic, I used the “Quantum Tarot” deck!)

2011: The Multiverse (Judgement) 
The theory that our own Universe may have started off as a Black Hole in another Universe. 
A rude awakening. 
A push so strong, it didn't feel like a choice. 
Leaving behind a narrow framework of existing. Launching into the unknown. 
2012: Galaxy Cluster (3 of Wands) 
A  deep devotion to a particular cluster of people. 
A year we came together with the people we needed to be closest with. 
There will always be nostalgia for this, even if it eventually broke apart. At the time it felt like this gathering was all you needed in the Universe, but really it was only a few galaxies clustered together. You needed a bigger world. 
2013: Universe - Infinity 
The love we experienced shifted our paradigm and moved us into a new level of consciousness. We became aware of who we are, what we wanted, where we were going, in ways that previously felt impossible. This expansion reverberated through the collective. 
2014: Neutron Star (10 of Wands) 
A very big star in the Universe dies.
Its core collapses into a small, bright, dense remnant - a Neutron Star - the heaviest form of matter. This year showed us the furthest we could go before we had to break. It broke us down to our densest part. 
2015: Supernova (8 of Wands) 
When a large star dies, it becomes a Supernova.
The core explodes.
The pain of our death reaches every place in the galaxies.
We are left with focus and fire. 
2016: Galaxy Collision (7 of Wands) 
Like a car crash in slow motion. 
A collision where we are irredeemably altered. 
In order to meet this battle, you needed to stretch. 
2017: Quark Confinement / Colour Change (8 of Swords) 
Bound and confined by an overpowering force. 
It feels like physical restriction, but the trap is in our thoughts. 
Hard oppression but we have the key to our freedom. 
2018: Fermions + Bosons (6 of Swords) 
Awareness of parallel lives: we can't exist in the same place at the same time as someone/thing we are attached to. 
Harmony is found in forward momentum, in unique movement. 
In not trying to move in the same way as those in an incompatible but parallel situation. 
There is peace in moving on. 
2019: PHOENIX 
A year of bursting into flames, ash reborn. 
The Fool is awakened at the beginning of a new cycle. 
We begin again, but with the memory of our evolution. 
OVERALL CARD FOR THE DECADE: EARTH / GAIA (Queen of Pentacles) 
Returning home. An incredibly complex ecosystem. We're not supposed to figure her out, or save her, or nail her down so that she never gets hurt. We're supposed to love her, to the deepest of our capacity, in every moment we are here.

This tarot reading reminds us of the foundation holding us.
We’re not starting over. We are uplifted by what has come before, by the work we’ve done and the cycles we’ve completed. 

Often we look to our past selves with blame and judgement.
“Wow I was so stupid; I knew so little; I was stuck in that pattern; I did those fucked up things; I was so immature and un-enlightened; I’d never do the same thing again; I’ll never let that thing happen to me again; I made horrible choices, etc etc etc.” 

This season asks us to approach a different kind of relationship with ourselves – past, present and future.  

To remember that we are supported. We are held. We are not alone.
We are sturdied.
Not only by our past selves,
but by what they BIRTHED. 

What we’ve birthed in the last decade has a life of its own. Just like a child, they are a forever sacred and beloved part of us, but they are sovereign.
We don’t own any of it and it doesn’t belong to us.
Rather, we are in a genuine, loving relationship.

If there is anything the last decade taught me, it’s that the dead don’t disappear. 

During my even younger years when I didn’t know this truth, when I didn’t remember it, that was grief that almost ended me. I lost someone I loved and I couldn’t grasp any real sense that they were still with me, even as much as I begged for it. 

Here I am now, someone who talks to the dead, has real relationships with the dead, and who knows many other living humans who hang out with the dead all the time too. Here I am, someone who knows what it’s like to be VERY RUDELY AWAKENED by the dead in the middle of the night –  enough to get me to stop watching horror movies because my life is freaky enough thank you very much!  

Lately, I’ve been hearing, seeeing and sensing this picture of the world – far, far, far into the future. 

It is peaceful. It’s beautifully warm. There are oranges, soft yellows and reds. And I hear music…

A chorus. A deep enveloping chanting. An opening of the Sacral Chakra. Ancient melodic mantras, delicate and strong. Full of love and conviction.  

This is the Earth healing.

After everything we’ve put her through.
Here she is, healing.
After all our agony as to how the hell to save the Earth?
Here she is. She doesn’t die.

When I was younger I was always fascinated by the idea (ahem, reality) of life on other planets. My imagination went wild with the different kinds of planets and lifeforms that could exist.
Like blue planets full of telepathic half dolphin / half human creatures where everything was water but the water was also air… 

And I thought with my youthful glee – what if there was a planet that was solely made up of consciousness? COOL!!!

In the vision I have of the Earth healing – I don’t see humans anywhere.

So, maybe we don’t survive the hole we’ve dug ourselves into. 

But our consciousness is here. 
And so is music. 

We must have spent a long time mourning our death. 

The Earth mourned us too. Just like you do when you get out of a bad relationship. Underneath all the pain, you still know the part of you that never stopped loving them.

The Earth knows we get what that’s like.

We get what it’s like to go through a bad break up, THE break-up, the one that broke you in your most vulnerable place. The one you thought you’d never get over, and maybe you never did and you never will…

But one day…you can look back and know gratitude for the experience. Gratitude that you had the chance to love with such messiness. 

And no, you don’t want to go back. But you no longer live with resentment for the experience. You know it made your heart fuller. 

The Earth knows we get what that’s like.

And if we don’t in this moment, someday, we will. 

There is music here, even without any bodies.

When you really think about it – are we humans really so vain to believe that music can’t exist without us?

It can and it does. 

There are no humans here but…we’re not gone.
(The dead don’t disappear.)
There is consciousness here and
we are a part of it. 

Look, I have no idea what the fuck is going to happen in the next decade, or the one after that, or tomorrow. Prophets don’t tell the future. They tap into an exponentially expanded perspective, to inspire how we choose to live today. 

So I’m not sharing this vision with you because I know what’s going to happen to humanity, or the Earth, or where we’ll end up or how. There are an infinite amount of possibilities. Just like there are an infinite amount of choices we could make individually and collectively, that could birth an infinite amount of timelines and outcomes. 

I’m sharing this to remind you that what we’re birthing now matters. 

The work you’re doing to change, to grow, to heal, matters.

The work you’re doing to create, to connect, to revolutionize, to love, matters. 

Whatever the outcome – our commitment to evolve into our purpose matters.

The deepening and expanding of our consciousness – individually and as a generation – matters.

When we live as though we are in love with the music of our lives – we are moving something forward for our generation.

And who is to say that our music won’t be present here…far, far into the future…even if our bodies aren’t? And who is to say we won’t get to dance to that music?

Everything we do out of love, magic and purpose matters. And it’s time we stopped selling ourselves short. 

The Earth is birthing a new way of existence, and we are a part of that birthing. 

Here’s the thing: both my mom, and my grandma (my mom’s mom) were told they would not survive the birth of their youngest child. (I am the youngest child.) 

I am telling you – as the daughter of a mother who was supposed to die during my birth – I don’t know if humanity will survive. Yes, there is a good chance we will die while birthing our new world.

None of us came here to be saviours. We came here to love, through every birth and every death. 

Here’s the other thing: my grandma did not die during a birth everyone told her she would for sure not survive. She lived to the age of 83.  

And my mom is still alive. 

And, so am I. 


do you benefit from my work? my tip jar is open!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close