Welcome back to my new series, COSMIC FOLKTALES. This series is a blend of memoir, fantasy, and astrological/ancestral channeling for the sake of individual and collective transformation. It’s for those of us navigating great times of transition, grief, ending and beginning cycles, and the crossroads.
It’s like a giant hand reached into my chest and tore a large chunk of flesh from my heart.
I know, it’s not a terribly original metaphor. One might even call it cliché. Written with the finesse of a teenager’s angsty poetry in her LiveJournal circa 2002.
I don’t know what to tell you. It’s true.
True, like, the kind of simplicity and unpretentious straightforwardness of a teenager’s angsty poetry in her LiveJournal circa 2002 – a teenager that still lives within you and that you still want to cover up and avoid with complex philosophy and highly intellectualized activism and good writing. True, like, the teenager in you that is still hurting and still has something important to say.
True, like, it’s just what this relationship feels like.
Like, for as long as I can remember, I’ve just learned to live like that.
Every once in a while, someone familiar comes along and repairs this torn-into heart a little…
like by tacking up some of those velcro sk8r boi backpack patches
or with disinfectant and gauze and bandaids
or cooling gel
or with some drops of rose water
calendula balm made from the flowers that grow between the cracks of cement on my street
with the drizzling of fresh water from a secret underground stream
that somehow managed to escape,
by the river patterns and footprints
of colonial capitalism
but you know,
none of that is actually enough
as beautiful, as fleeting, as addictive as they are
these comings and goings
they’re not enough
to reckon with this precious massive fleshy cave
frayed and ripped apart
stretched too thin
and thick with rage
wrapped in wire constraints
mouths gagged and bound
violations glossed over —
not allowed to call them violations —
betrayals from the most trusted
and the sacred
underneath the numbness
of this frozen cage
healing is not about finding the answer
it’s about asking the right questions
and all you need
is to find the right question
that’s when you know
you’ve done enough
…enough for what?
There is no fixing this. There’s nothing here that will make this raw and ripped flesh magically wake up into wholeness. There is no way to work hard enough or do the most, there is no cure to make this not be the state of things.
I’m sorry kids, shit like this does.not.get.better.
And I will not give you the answer.
I will strive to ask the right questions.
put your hand on your heart
in whatever state it’s in
what kind of love do you need, beloved?
I need Deep Love.
Deep listening. Deep desire. Deep reciprocity. Deep compatibility. Deep alchemy. Deep joy. Deep laughter. Deep presence. Deep resonance.
That’s it. Simple.
It’s as simple and as impossibly difficult as working up the nerve to respond honestly.
While the warrior in you, with their sword elegantly and sloppily severing the the forces, external and internal that tell you, you’re not even allowed to ask the question.
What would it mean, and how would things change, if you made this your priority?
Truly, without any excuses?
What if this is what you put your resilience and stubbornness toward?
What if you returned to this question every day,
however messy and,
after every distraction and,
every protest and,
every blade of harm
imposed by others but
What would it be
to return to the love your heart needs
exactly as it is?
it is enough
Shaunga Tagore is a writer, theatre artist, astrologer, and ancestral/multidimensional communicator living in Tkaronto / Toronto, traditional territory of the Haudensaunee, Wendat, Anishnabek, and Mississagaus of New Credit. For more from her COSMIC FOLKTALES series, browse her archives and look forward to a new post each Sunday.
Shaunga would like to shout out the mentors and teachers she is currently working with. The medicine, knowledge, presence and heart these folks share through their work is invaluable, and undoubtedly inspires and shapes much of Shaunga’s creative work evident in this writing series and beyond. Much love and gratitude ❤
d’bi.young anitafrika & her anitafrika method (Fall 2019 – onward)
Dr G Love & Elder Nana Sakara of SoulShifting Retreats (2017 – onward)
Turtle Tank, School for Radical Purpose (2017 – onward)