Why is it so difficult for many of us to get our boundaries respected? Why do so many of us have trouble respecting the boundaries of others?
Questions that feel apt to reflect on, this Taurus Full Moon. There are many answers, here is one:
In this traumatized world,
especially in times of heightened stress, emotion and conflict,
how often are we not ready to be patient
with ourselves, or with others.
I want to live in a world where an abundance of people around me
actively, willingly, enthusiastically pursue
the invisible work of cultivating patience
I don’t want to look around and see an abundance of people
expressing disdain and contempt for her lessons,
no matter how challenging and fraught they may be.
I do know many healers, teachers, mentors, counsellors, caregivers, artists,
women, femmes, trans, Black, Indigenous, people of colour
who give so much to their relationships and communities
and yet are not offered patience in return.
Like, how many emails do we receive in private where someone demands our time, energy, care, healing, work, services, art, presence, because they are in crisis, because they want to be inspired, because they need some kind of healing. And who resort to manipulation, guilt-tripping, and threats if we don’t give them what they want RIGHT THIS INSTANCE…?
How many times have we been controlled and forced into relationship without regard for consent? WHY HAVEN’T YOU TEXTED ME BACK YET!?!?!
How many times have we ourselves responded like this in moments we are experiencing panic, high duress, urgency, or ptsd?
How many times have lovers, friends or community members felt certain that asking for time really means betrayal, abandonment, and is a sign of thoughtlessness and carelessness? How many times have we thought this ourselves?
We feel like if our needs don’t get our met in the moment, our heart will explode and then the world will explode. It really feels like that sometimes, doesn’t it?
So we make a habit of communicating before we are really clear about what we want to say, or of our deeper motivations for why we are saying it.
We make demands on people’s energy and resources with no regard for what that would do to their health or well-being.
We lash out and blow up because it feels good to be vindicated in the moment. Then we wonder what went wrong, why is that person gone 6 months later, as if we didn’t know we were making the choice to burn a bridge.
And what’s up with this thing, where we don’t think it’s worth holding compassion or understanding for someone’s need for time and space, until they disclose their disabilities, health status, diagnosis, or some kind of horrible traumatic thing they’ve been through? Like we need proof of someone’s sob story before we can respect them? We need proof that people deserve our patience?
I’ve been learning to live my life with patience, just not waiting.
I’ve spent my life waiting around, and thankfully I’m quite done with it.
waiting to be loved
waiting to be thanked
waiting to be forgiven
waiting to create
waiting to express myself
waiting to heal
waiting, to avoid making mistakes
waiting, to dodge getting hurt
waiting to open my heart
waiting to fly
waiting to learn
waiting to ask
waiting to speak
waiting to invent
waiting to lead.
No, I don’t wait around anymore. But I do approach all these things with patience.
There is a difference between patience and waiting, find it. I dare you.
Whether or not you choose to wait is exactly that, your choice.
Don’t make anyone else responsible for your choices. That road only leads to two outcomes: 1) manipulation and control of others or 2) giving your (em)power(ment) away. So how about don’t do either of those things.
I’ve learned my lesson the hard way. I’ve learned through causing harm and being harmed.
Don’t wait around for what you need. Be what you need.
But do be patient, as you build relationships with what you need.
When things are urgent and you need something fast, stay on top of your shit.
If you need a loving outlet to vent, find it. If you’re in crisis, reach out. If you’re heartbroken, tend to your wounds. If you’re lost, don’t abandon yourself.
You never have to do any of these things alone, but please find a way to be in relationship with people that is consensual. I know how hard this is when you’re flipping out and freaking out, but I believe in us.
There is someone, something, out there, in our reach, that wants to share with us the energy of what we need.
This is Universal Law.
These are the conditions that Mama Earth said was our birth right, when she agreed to host us here. Before humanity took its collective first breath, she made sure of these terms.
When she had the vision, hope, and inspiration to give life to some kind of weird-ass, flawed-as-fuck, resilient species of heartbroken, awe-inspiring mother fuckers that we are. When she said yes to us, 150% enthusiastic YES…when she decided to prepare her body to give birth and give life to the exact textures and temperatures that could cater to our breath, our thriving, each one of our small and significant journeys…so that she could be moved by us, changed by us, in love with us, and so we could give her back exactly this in return…
She said it was our birth right, to learn, know, and have exactly what will make our lives thrive according to a rhythm, pace and timeline that is exactly suited for each of us.
And in the moments where it seems like there is absolutely nobody around you who can give you what you need, that’s the Universe telling you, you are your best medicine right now. There is nothing more important or effective than for you to give to yourself.
When we are waiting, there are choices we are not listening to. There is agency and purpose we are not listening to.
When someone in front of you isn’t giving it to you, say bye-bye, turn around, and ask it from someone who will.
So nobody will ever ask you to wait, ever again.
But many may ask you to be patient. Honour and respect patience, when she gently asks you to notice her.
Don’t spit in her face because she is not easy.
Patience is not just a virtue, she is a God, and her feelings are hurt.
You know that Patience is the Ocean and her waters are aching, right? She wants you to treat your body like a temple, like you know and remember that her rivers cannot live unless you let them run through you.
Don’t ever ask me for anything if you don’t respect my God.
Patience for love.
Patience for gratitude.
Patience for forgiveness.
Patience for creation.
Patience for self-development.
Patience for healing.
Patience when making mistakes.
Patience when someone hurts me or I hurt myself.
Patience for other people’s journeys.
Patience for my own.
Patience during break-ups.
Patience in the midst of death and dying.
Patience for grief.
Patience for children and elders.
Patience for re-occurring adolescence and puberty cycles in our teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s.
Patience to recognize and learn about trauma.
Patience for rebirth.
Patience for magic.
Patience to open my heart as Big as Broadway.
Patience to grow and stretch into every corner I want to feel.
Patience when figuring out how to ask and speak in triggering circumstances.
Patience to be the best version of myself.
Patience to experience relationships that are free.
Patience for hope and joy in my communities that I want to see in my lifetime.
Patience as I spread my wings.
Patience for invention.
Patience, to lead.